More fun with the Wartenberg wheel; breath play; rope work; knife play

With kids in the house and not much in the house dampening sound, I've shied away from using implements on my slave most of the time lately...but that's kept me out of the toy bag, and that's a shame.  There are all kinds of toys in there I can use when we play that won't make noise, or won't make enough to matter.  Two of the kids are asleep by the time we go to bed, and the third is playing games, wearing headphones, and talking on Skype--there's no way he's hearing us.

I had in mind to use the shrink wrap again.  It's one of her favorite things and mine, and it had been so long.  I'd been thinking about it all day, during work, when I could do nothing about it.  When we settled down on the couch for the evening, after the youngest went to bed, I grabbed my slave by the hair and whispered in her ear, "I've been thinking about you in shrink wrap all day.  I think we'll do a little breath play tonight."

She was enthusiastically compliant.  While she went to the bathroom in preparation for being restrained (there are few things worse than having to untie a slave for a bathroom break), I went to the bedroom to get the toys out.  I chose the Wartenberg wheel, the hunting knife, the shrink wrap, and two lengths of rope.  I also pulled out the flogger.  It's a bit worse for wear, but it is still effective.  

She came into the bedroom, and I showed her the flogger.  She immediately pulled down her jeans and assumed the position.  I began whipping her, reddening her ass...and then I received a painful reminder that one of the cats had followed us into the room.  Our biggest cat made a leap for the flogger while I was in mid-swing, missed, and latched onto my hand, hanging there by his claws for a few seconds.  He drew blood. 

I went to wash the scratches and the two puncture wounds, then bandaged them.  I made sure the cat was not in the room, and I continued the whipping.  I made her count this time, stopping a couple of times to rub her clit to the bring of orgasm, partially hoping it would make her lose count so I could start over...not that a completed count was going to stop me from continuing the whipping, but I love how it messes with her head.  She kept count, though.  I'm always impressed that she can do that now; she couldn't when we first got together.  meb

Happy with the result of the whipping, I stripped her the rest of the way, threw her down on the bed, and edged her again, this time making her beg for permission to orgasm.

"Can I cum, Master?  Please, can I come?  Oh, please..."

I let the begging continue for a few minutes, relishing her agony over wanting to orgasm and being denied, then said, "No, you may not.  You're not tied up yet."

I grabbed a length of rope, bent her leg so that her ankle was very near her thigh, and tied her lower leg to her thigh.  I wrapped the rope around her leg three times, then pulled the rope through the loop made by doubling it.  I made another coil around her leg, lower down, then I finished with coiling the rest around her ankle.  

I edged her again.  Made her beg again.  She was getting so wet...and I was more turned on that usual.  It had been so long since I'd restrained her with rope, I had forgotten how incredibly sexy she looks when I tie her up.  After denying her an orgasm for the second time, I took a moment to savor the view, then grabbed the second length of rope.  After doubling it, I used about a foot of it to whip her thighs, whip her pussy, and whip her thighs some more.  I tied her left like just like the right one.  

Damn...I wanted to fuck her then.  I wanted to just explode inside of her with her legs restrained like that...but no.  I wasn't done with her.  As sexy as she looked, we hadn't made things intense enough, and I wanted her to soak the sheets when I finally let her cum.  

I edged her for the third time.  I denied her for the third time.  I wasn't going to let her orgasm until she was completely helpless. That's when I grabbed the shrink wrap.  I made her fold her arms together, then I wrapped them together.  She was completely unable to resist now.  

I shoved my fingers into her wetness, two at first, then three, then four.  I stretched her, making her hurt.  She moaned in pain and pleasure.  I fucked her with my fingers, coating them with her juices...then I made her taste herself, making her suck her juices off her fingers.  Once they were coated with her saliva, I wiped it all over her face.  

"Does that make you feel like a cheap little whore?"

"Yes."

"You love that feeling, don't you."

"Uh huh."

"You love being treated like a little piece of meat, don't you?"

"Yes, Master."

I took the Wartenberg wheel and began to run it over the vulnerable, sensitive flesh of her inner thigh.  Then, I spread her labia and ran it over the sensitive flesh beside her clit.  I ran it over her clit...and her reaction...her breathing changed, she moaned...it was pure pleasure.  I hadn't used vampire gloves in a very long time, because my pair was ruined through use as spanking implement, but it occurred to me at that moment that the wheel would be a similar feeling, and my slave loved it when I fingered her with the gloves on.  

I rolled the wheel on her clit, over and over, and she went positively wild with pleasure.  Her back arched, her breath grew ragged, she moaned, and she got very, very wet.

"Master, may I cum?  Please, please, please may I cum?" she breathed.  She could barely speak.  

"Cum for me, whore."  I held her in place, my body between her legs to keep them spread, one arm wrapped around her waist to keep her from jerking away, and kept rubbing her clit with the wheel while she came.  She squirted a bit, drenching the sheet.  Between the orgasm from the wheel and the edging that came before, her orgasm was explosive.  

I made her cum again before I stopped running the wheel over her clit. 

It was time for breath play.  

"Are you ready, little slut?"

"No," she gasped.  

"Does it matter that your not ready?"  

"No," she moaned.  

I smacked her on the side of the head.  "All that matters is that I'm ready," I growled, then grabbed a fistful of her hair.  "Right, little slut?"

"Yes, master."

I pulled her head up by her hair and started wrapping the shrink wrap around her head.  I wrapped it around her forehead, her eyes, her nose, and her chin, then wrapped it around her mouth, as well.  I laid over her chest and looked into her eyes, which were open under the plastic, and waited for her panic to set in, as it inevitably would.  It took some time.  She can hold her breath for a long time...but the shrink wrap usually causes her to panic sooner than she would if I simply held my hand over her mouth and nose.  The panic finally came, but she didn't tap out.  She fought it.  She struggled.  She writhed.  She was so fucking sexy. 

I finally poked a hole in the plastic for her mouth.  I barely let her catch her breath when I kissed her, covering her lips completely and moving my tongue over hers.  Even as she struggled for breath, she returned my kiss, moving her tongue in response.  I broke away from the kiss, grabbed another piece of the shrink wrap, and put it over her mouth.  The panic came more quickly this time, and I took the plastic off.  I wanted to fuck her.  I needed to fuck her.  

But first...I grabbed the hunting knife.  I ran it over her breasts, her face, her neck.  

"What would you say if I said I wanted to see your blood?"

"Not with that knife."

That was an unusual response.  I usually say things like this, knowing it's a hard limit and it's not going to happen.  Her response usually plays into the role of the helpless victim, crying "No, please don't" or something along those lines, but this...

"Have you been thinking about blood play?"

"I've been thinking about it for a long time now."

"Hmmmm...interesting.  But no, not with this knife.  It can be sharpened, though..."

I picked her helpless body up a bit and moved her roughly into position.  I grabbed her thighs and pulled her toward me.  It wasn't difficult to slide inside of her; she was soaked.  With the knife pressed to her neck, I fucked her savagely, grabbing her by the hair as I did.  It was clear that she was getting too hot, so I ripped the plastic off of her head and her arms, then I pinned her arms above her head and fucked her harder.  

When we were finished, we lay down next to each other, and I caressed her body.  We talked a bit about the possibility of blood play.  She's still scared of it, but it excites her, too.  Maybe someday...

BDSM Play 19: Wartenberg wheel and obedience

I stopped a conversation with my slave last night with some aggressive fingering.  It completely interrupted her train of thought, and she forgot all about what she was trying to say.  It wasn't long before she was asking permission to cum.

"Beg for me, whore,"

"Please, Master?  Please may I cum?  Please?" she begged, breathlessly.

I let her agonize over stopping herself from having an orgasm for a couple of minutes, then I gave her permission.  Her orgasm was intense; she arched her back, squeezed my arm, and couldn't breathe until it was over.  I didn't stop.  I kept fingering her until she had a second orgasm.

"That one wasn't as intense."

I wasn't taking that one lightly.  I grabbed her by the hair and put her hand behind her back, and I walked her back to the bedroom.  I pulled her pants down, smacked her ass, then turned her around and pushed her onto the bed.  I pushed her legs up, went down on her, and sucked her clit into my mouth, clamping down on it with my teeth, then rubbing it between my tongue and the back of my teeth.  I let it go and sucked it in and out of my mouth, flicking it with my tongue all the while.

"Master, may I cum?  Master, please, please may I cum?  Please?" she begged.

"No."

I got up and went over to the toy bag.  I got out the bondage mittens and the Wartenberg wheel.  I set the wheel between her tits and slid the bondage mittens over her hands.  I put the locks on the wrist restraints, then I used the rings on the ends to lock them together with a third padlock.  I took the Wartenberg wheel into my hand and started rolling it down her inner thighs.  She jerked and moaned as the needles poked her tender flesh.  I rolled it over her labia, over her clit, on her abdomen, on the underside of her tits, over her nipples.

Then, I had her stick out her tongue.

I rolled it over her tongue, and her reaction made it clear that she didn't like it, but she also was not saying her safe word.  I enjoyed the reaction immensely, so I did it again.  She winced and whimpered, but she took it like a good little slave.

I went down on her a second time, bringing her to the brink of orgasm again, and again, I refused her.  I ran the wheel over her flesh again, bit her on the belly and her thighs, and went down on her a third time.  I let her beg for permission for around two minutes, then I said, "Cum for me, slut."  She gushed.

While I was giving her clit oral attention, I noticed that she was having some luck with sliding the bondage mittens off.  They usually don't move at all.  I did not tighten them enough.  I told her to try to get out, and she did with some effort.  I immediately pinned her arms to the bed, and said, "You might get out of those, but you're still helpless, aren't you, little whore?"

"I can't move."

"No, you can't.  There's nothing you can do about me fucking you."  With that, I shoved my cock into her wet hole, and while I fucked her, I told her, "Stick out your tongue."

With a look of reluctance  but without hesitation, she obeyed, and I ran the wheel over her tongue.

"You don't like that, do you?"

"Not very much, no."

"But I love the reaction.  It's so hot to watch you and hear you whimper.  Stick out your tongue."

She obeyed.  Winced.  Moaned and squealed a bit.  And her wetness spread.  She was so fucking wet.  She might not have enjoyed the feeling of those tiny spikes rolling across her tongue, but she certainly enjoyed me making her obey.

"Again."

Again, she obeyed.  And again, and again, as I thrust my cock hard into her soaking wet cunt.  I eventually put down the wheel and choked her while I fucked her, then released, then took the pillow and put it over her face.  She turned her head and found space to breathe, so I wrapped the pillow around her head to give her nowhere to go.  The helplessness, the inevitability of acceptance of her suffocation, the panic displayed as she clawed at the pillow and struggled, and her incredible wetness all made the orgasm surge in me.  I came hard inside of her and released her head from the pillow before she could tap out.

I laid down next to her, stroking her hair, rubbing her back and her ass (which was coated with her wetness in part), and I said, "You may not have enjoyed the wheel on your tongue, but you loved obeying me.  You were so wet."

"That wheel was uncomfortable."

"Yes, but as you said yourself, a slave's life is not about comfort."

"I did love the intensity, and I love it when you make me obey."

We enjoyed laying naked next to each other for awhile, then we went to clean up.

Do you have to be a submissive to become a good dominant?

Pick your title: Master/Mistress and slave, Dom/me and submissive, top and bottom...there are people who say that you either can't be a good dominant without first being a submissive, or that the best dominants are ones who were submissive first.  This opinion seems to be purely anecdotal.  A search for research on this topic yields no studies.  What tool(s) do we have left with which we may examine the claim?  In lieu of studies--which I fully support, if they exist or if they come about in the future--we can attempt to look at it logically.

The assumption that it's better to be submissive before one becomes dominant presupposes the following:

• Submissives share common experiences, so if one has been submissive, one will know what a submissive wants/needs/feels
• Submissives make good dominants
• A dominant cannot be as good if he/she never submits

The first presupposition takes a cookie-cutter approach to the submissive experience--an idea that is ludicrous on its face.  Not all submissives are the same.  Some enjoy pain; some don't.  Some respond well to corporal punishment, while others respond well to nurturing, positive reinforcement, tasks, or verbal reprimands.  Some are simply obedient and do not need correction, and they are quick learners who require very little training.  In short, no submissive is really the same as any other.  Assuming you know what a submissive wants because that's what you wanted represents an unrealistic expectation that will make you less adaptable. 

The idea that there's a progression from submissive to dominant does not mesh with my twenty years in the BDSM lifestyle.  There are submissives, there are dominants, and there are switches, and those who are submissive or dominant tend not to want to be anything else.  I know some people who started out submissive and became dominant, and I know people who wanted to be dominant in the beginning, then went through a mentoring/learning process to get there.  It is not, by any means, a rule that dominants start out as submissives, and, since all the people with this opinion have are anecdotes, I will offer that anecdotally speaking, the best dominants I have known have never been submissive.  That's not to say that I'm right and they're wrong, but if we're only going on personal experience, my observations are just as good as theirs.  Right?

Finally, I object strongly to the supposition that a dominant can't be as good if he/she has never submitted.  I don't think I need to have been a submissive to have empathy.  I have acquired the skills to listen to my partner, to understand body language, to understand tone of voice and types of breathing, to know what questions to ask--verbally and physically--to make our experience the best it can be.  I know when my slave is into what I'm doing and when she's not.  I know what makes her wet, I know what gets her into the mood, I know how to maintain continuity of play, and I know how to regain control if something interrupts us.  I am not sure how being a submissive contributes to any of this experience.  I don't need to know what the flogger feels like on my skin (though I have tried implements on myself just out of curiosity) to know what her responses mean.  I can tell how much aftercare she needs and what kind.  

This argument takes me back to when a lesbian friend of mine opined that women give better oral than men to other women because they know what women want--they have the same parts.  I know that opinion doesn't hold water, because each woman I've gone down on has wanted something different.  Some women love it rough; some women want it gentle.  Some want the clit sucked in and nibbled, or even bitten; some just want it sucked gently, with the tongue flicking over it.  Assuming that every member of your sex wants head the same way ignores a simple truth: we are all sexual individuals.  We have different erogenous zones, different qualities to which we are attracted, different levels of sensitivity on our genitalia.  To believe that you have the puzzle solved because you were once a puzzle yourself ignores the fact that there are billions of puzzles out there, and you're only an expert on one.  

I think about my experiences in this lifestyle, and how different each and every submissive has been: one had no limits to the pain she desires, even to the point where there were serious safety concerns.  Another wanted nothing but blood play.  Another enjoyed electricity and spanking, but not needles.  Another enjoyed bondage and humiliation, but not a lot of pain.  There are as many different ways to play as there are players.  It's not a cookie-cutter experience, and that's what this idea of requiring dominants to first be submissive suggests.  

BDSM Info 2: Blood

The number one thing you should know about playing with blood is that you shouldn't.  The risk is high.  No matter how you draw blood, no matter what you use, no matter how careful you are, there is always the risk of infection.  The cut(s) could get infected, or you could be infected with a blood-borne pathogen.

I've played with blood.  A lot of people have and do.  Since people engage in this kind of play, I think it is valuable to present ways to minimize risk.

Sterilization

Anything you use to cut someone should be clean and free of microbes.  I recommend metal scalpels. They are incredibly sharp and not heat-sensitive, so you can use an autoclave to sterilize them.  Autoclaves are available from medical supply stores and Amazon, and range in price from $47 for a small one intended for use in tattoo shops to a few thousand dollars for ones intended for surgical use.  The Center for Disease Control recommends steam and flash sterilization, which you my learn about here.  

In the absence of an autoclave, you can clean your equipment with a detergent and water, or an enzyme cleaner, then boil it to sterilize it.  There are several methods that should be considered best practices, and a good resource for learning about them is this article.  

Of course, sterilization is not going to decrease your risk of exposure to blood-borne pathogens; it's only going to decrease the risk of infection to the cut.

It's important that you remember the cleaning part, as well; you do not want irritants in the cuts, either.  You run the risk of increased pain, rashes, and scars (some people want scars, and we'll get to that).

Cutting

I have used a scalpel, a hunting knife, and razor blades in blood play.  The sharper the blade, the cleaner the cut, and the less likely there will be scars.

When I cut, I want to taste the blood.  Putting one's mouth on an open cut is one reason why blood play is risky; there is bacteria in your mouth.  You can minimize the bacteria by using mouthwash beforehand and brushing your teeth, as well as making sure your face is clean.  There's no way to eliminate the risk here, but disinfecting the wound immediately after play will minimize the risk of infection as much as possible.  Washing it with soap and water, disinfecting, then dressing the wound should be part of your aftercare.

I typically taste the blood, then kiss my partner with blood in my mouth/on my lips.  It can be intoxicating and incredibly erotic.  I avoid going deep with cuts, and I avoid areas where there are major veins and arteries.  Knowledge of the circulatory system helps.

For an extra painful experience, once you clean and disinfect a wound, use Liquid Skin to close it.  It burns like fire.

It should be stressed that there is no way to reduce your risk of blood borne pathogens if you're tasting blood, other than perhaps collecting the blood and boiling it first, or putting it under UV light before drinking it.  It would ruin the moment for me.

Smearing the blood, using it to write things on paper or on the skin, using it to make designs...there are other things to do than taste the blood.  Your creativity and level of accepted risk are the limits.  You still have the risk of blood-borne pathogens.

Flaying

Flaying involves removing the epidermis, or outer layer of the skin, to expose the dermis.  The dermis is really sensitive, amplifying all sensations you normally feel through your epidermis.  It's especially sensitive to heat, but pretty much any sensation is going to be magnified if experienced with the dermis instead of the epidermis.  Alcohol rubbed on the dermis will burn.

The trick is remove just enough skin to expose the dermis, but do not be surprised if you draw blood the first time, or even the first few times.  You don't need to cut very deep to get to it.  The epidermis will grow back, and scarring is rare.

Dripping wax on the dermis, using alcohol on it, using ginger root...there are many things that will bring pain through flaying, but be extra careful--it is much easier to damage.  Drip any wax from a distance--what will simply be warm on the epidermis will really hurt on the dermis, even if it doesn't actually damage it.

Scarifcation

Scarification is exactly what it sounds like: leaving scars on purpose.  There are several ways to do it-and not just with cutting.  You can burn to scar, as well.  Neither method is free of risk.

Tattoo shops will do scarification tattoos, and these people are artists.  They will create interesting, aesthetically pleasing designs.

A dominant who wants to mark a sub with scarification may consider doing it, but since this is a lasting body modification, it may be better to leave it to a professional, especially if it's something other people will see.

Typically, you draw a design (or etch it, then use ink to imprint it) on the skin surface, then cut away the skin necessary to create the design.  To get it to stay as a scar, get a baby toothbrush and peroxide, wet the scabs to soften them, then brush them with the baby toothbrush and peroxide.  If you leave it alone, it is likely to heal without scars.

I will not get into burning here, because this is an article about blood.

BDSM Movie Review: Secretary

Years after hearing about the movie and more years after hearing about the story, I finally saw "Secretary".

There will be spoilers in this article. 

First of all, I have seen James Spader and Maggie Gyllenhall in other films, and I like them both.  I have nothing against them as actors.  I think they're excellent actors.  Their characters, on the other hand, are mixed for me.

Maggie's character, Lee, may or may not have a mental disorder.  I can't decide.  She might be a compulsive cutter, which is a problem, or she might just be a masochist who doesn't know there's a word for what she is until later in the film.  I think it's the latter, honestly; she only went to the institution because she cut herself too deeply on accident.  She cuts and burns herself to feel pain, which gives her pleasure.  She doesn't compulsively do it for self-harm, as strange as that might sound.  There's not a lot of depth to her, really, but she does go through a journey of self-discovery and finds out who she truly is through the course of the film.

My main problem with Lee is my problem with just about every woman portrayed in a BDSM situation in just about every movie with any sort of BDSM in it: she is virginal, comes from a broken home, and may or may not be broken herself.  While there are people from dysfunctional families and mental problem who exist in the BDSM community, there never seems to be a portrayal of a mentally healthy female with any sort of sexual experience, ever.  It has to be a young, naive girl who doesn't know what she wants, and must be shown what she wants by a man.

This brings us to the man, Spader's character, E. Ernest Grey.  He's an attorney who claims to be shy, and acts that way when he first meets Lee.  He doesn't seem dominant at all.  He's apparently had experience; his last secretary left in tears, and it seems to be a repeated behavior: he hires a secretary, uses her for his spanking fetish, feels guilty, and gets rid of her.

I can understand the moral dilemma.  I went through the same sort of dilemma regarding my sadism for a few years.  I wasn't sure what I was doing was moral in any way, even if a woman was willing.  I didn't have that moral dilemma early on, but I kept meeting women who had been through a great deal of abuse in their homes, and I started feeling like I was feeding into their mental issues.  I wasn't as involved with the community as I should have been, or I would have known that the mix of people with mental issues and histories of abuse matched the general population, more or less.  When I met a few masochists who had never been abused and were mentally together, I stopped trying to suppress who I was.  Who I am.  I'm so happy I got over the dilemma.

In any case, Grey strikes me as someone who hasn't had any interaction or education in the community.  He doesn't bother with finding out about whether Lee is curious about kink, never discusses safe words or the parameters of the relationship or the play.  Furthermore, what he does is terribly unprofessional--and I'm sure the intention is for the audience to know he knows that; it adds to his guilt over his proclivities.  It's also predatory.  Being in a power position and using someone over whom he has power as the object of his sadistic attention is victimization.  He is simply lucky that Lee not only goes along with it, but likes it.

What message does it send, though?  It's similar to the manosphere idea that what women really want--every time--is to be taken by force.  He doesn't fuck her, but coming from a sadist's perspective, what he does is rape, or at least sexual assault, because he doesn't get explicit consent, uses his position of power to make it difficult for his intended victim to say no (she could lose her job, after all), gaslights (makes his victim think that she can't do anything right), and does, at one point, stalk.  He follows Lee to the laundromat and sees her with Peter, then gets angry about it.  He's obviously jealous.

He starts controlling her diet in an unhealthy way.  I get that Lee finds comfort in getting his permission, and that she no longer self-harms because of him, but she's new to the lifestyle and naive; she doesn't realize that Ernest knows nothing about safety.  She puts her trust is someone who can't even trust himself.

Then, we come to the "hunger strike", which is really Lee waiting out Ernest's command to have her sit at the desk, palms flat on it, feet on the floor, for three days.  No food, no water.  People in her life keep coming in and talking with her.  Lecturing her.  She fights her ex-fiance when he tries to get her to stop.  Now, I could have forgiven this scenario if Ernest hadn't made her wait without food or water, and if he would have allowed her to go to the bathroom.  Sitting in urea can cause the skin to break down and develop sores, which can become infected and cause serious problems, including sepsis.  Dehydration can cause severe headaches and, going for that long, death.  Now, a person can live longer without water if there's no food, but that's another thing: starvation is painful after awhile, and if there are blood sugar problems, it can be deadly.  Ernest waits for three days before he decides to give her water, finally getting over his fear of committing to this sort of relationship.

To his credit, he does give her aftercare, and after this point, when he finally accepts who he is (thanks to Lee, who came to terms with who she was after doing some actual research into domination and submission, and made him realize it was okay--that she wanted this treatment, and that it fulfilled her), they develop a healthy BDSM relationship.  Fortunately, nobody was actually hurt, with the exception of Peter, who had to go through his bride running off on the wedding day.

I can forgive a lot in this movie, based on what I suspect about the intentions regarding the characters, but I think the three-day torment of Lee was unforgivable.  Common sense should tell anyone that letting someone go without food and water for three days is unhealthy and dangerous.  Sure. Lee wasn't restrained and could have left at any time--which makes it...okay?  I'm not certain.  I'm all for risk-aware consensual kink, but I didn't see the point of endangering Lee's life by prolonging this episode for three days.

There is some good stuff in this movie.  The display of kink is very mild, but there are elements to which people who have had to come to terms with masochistic or sadistic tendencies might relate.  The stereotype of the virginal female and the predatory dominant do make it difficult for me to give this movie a full thumbs-up.

BDSM Play 18: Spanking opportunity, resistance, breath play, begging, edging, oral, rough fucking, anal

Yesterday morning, as my slave and I were getting ready to take a shower, my stepdaughter began to run the vacuum, making it impossible for anyone to hear what we were doing.  I took the opportunity to redden her sweet little ass.  I grabbed a fistful of her hair near the roots to hold her in place, then I slapped her ass, alternating cheeks, hard enough to sting both my hand and her round little butt.

"We have to take these little opportunities as they present themselves," I growled in her ear when I was satisfied with the color.  

"Yes, Master," she said, as she laid her head on my chest and I stroked her hair.  

We entered the shower soon after.  As she applied conditioner to her hair, I wrapped one arm around her waist, supported her with one leg, then found her clit with my other hand.  I fingered her rapidly, letting her feel my hot breath on her neck as I brought her to orgasm.

"Master, may I cum?" she pleaded.

"Yes, little whore.  Cum for me."  She nearly collapsed when it hit her, knees bent, mouth parted, unable to stay steady on her own.  I was there for her, though; she would not fall with me holding her.  

We finished our shower, went about our day, then wound up on the couch watching a movie.  She laid against my left side, and I rubbed her breasts, as I usually do...but I slid my left hand into her pants, fingering her again.  I got my fingers wet with her juices, which I brought to her lips.  She sucked at them greedily.  I pulled my fingers out of her mouth and wiped her saliva on her face.  She loves the degradation.  I went back to fingering her, repeating the ritual, breaking it only by covering her mouth and nose with my hand and cutting off her breath.

The first time, she took awhile to panic.  During her panic reaction, she reached back to grab my right arm.  I seized her wrist and held the arm across my lap--it's always impossible for her to resist with only one arm free, but I love to see her try.  She tapped out, and I released her mouth and nose, but held onto her wrist.  She looked incredibly sexy, one breast showing, her full abdomen, down to the upper region of her labia.  Holding her there made me so hot.

I fingered her to orgasm once, then cut off her breath a second time.  She tried to pull my right hand off of her wrist, but it was in vain.  She had no chance.  She tapped out again.  I fingered her again, but this time, I refused to let her orgasm.  

"Master, may I please cum?  Please?  Please let me cum.  Please?"  She begged.  Fuck, it's so hot when she begs.  She sounds so submissive and utterly feminine and sexy when she begs. My cock hardened against my jeans--I'm sure she felt against her arm.  

"No, not yet," I replied, and went back to cutting of her breath.  This time, when she tried to pull my hand off her wrist, I grabbed it and put it together with her other arm--and almost lost the first arm in the process.  I managed to gain control over both, and now she was completely unable to put up a fight.  

I allowed her to breath again, then went back to fingering her.  She began to beg, "Master, will you fuck me?  Please, Master.  Please?"

"I will if I feel like it, little slut.  But you can keep begging."

"Master, please treat me like the little whore I am.  Please use my pussy.  Fuck me, please, Master. Please...oh, please let me cum.  Please?  Please!"  She was so close.  I took my finger away from her clit.  

"No, not yet, little whore.  Not yet."  I cut off her breath again, savored her reaction, watching her sexy body writhe as she struggled to breathe. I released her and fingered her again.  She begged some more...and it was time.  I had to fuck her.  

We went back to the bedroom.  I pushed her down on the bed.  She didn't stay in place--she was looking to escape.  She continued to resist as I undressed her.  I nearly ripped of her shirt while I was stripping her.  I had her naked, and I went down on her freshly-shaven pussy.  It wasn't long before she was begging me for permission to cum. 

Again, I refused.

I bit her on the belly, I bit her tits...she writhed and struggled to get away, but I kept biting.  I got the belt, I wrapped it around her arms, held them in place, and went down on her again.  This time, I let her cum.  Her orgasm was so intense.  Her backed arched, her lips parted, her breath caught, and she didn't breathe or moan again until the most intense moments passed.  

She was so wet, I slid my cock right into her.  

"I'm going to take my time, little slut, and enjoy using your body and making you suffer."  I grabbed her hair in two handfuls and yanked on it with each thrust.  She was nearly in tears, but no safe phrase escaped her lips.  She managed to get the belt off of her arms, but I put it around her neck instead, and I used it to choke her while I thrust harder.  I loosened it some, enjoying the look of it around her throat, then took the end and slapped her cheek with it.  Carefully.  So carefully.  I didn't want to catch her eye or anything else--just her cheek.

She asked permission to cum, but I didn't quite understand her, and asking her to repeat herself lost the moment...but I pulled out and fingered her roughly till she begged to cum instead.  I turned her over and began to fuck her wet little cunt from behind, grabbing her wrists and pulling her arms up behind her.  It forced her face into the mattress, which I'm sure made her feel degraded.  I grabbed an ass cheek, wrapped my leg firmly around her thigh, and used the leverage to thrust into her harder.

"Master, would you fuck me in the ass?  Please?"  We hadn't done anal in awhile, actually, so I had her lay flat on the bed, and with her natural lubricant coating my cock, I entered her tight little ass easily.  I hooked an arm and grabbed her hair, then thrust rapidly, savagely.  She loves a good anal fuck.  

Sweaty, tired, I rolled off of her, laid next to her awhile, stroked her hair, told her how much I loved her, then went and took a shower.  

The next morning, the power went out at 5:30.  I ended up getting up and staying up, but the alarm was set to go off at 8:30.  I thought I'd wake her up in a different way.  I went into the room, threw the blanket off of her, dragged her by her legs to the edge of the bed, pushed them up, then thrust against her.  I fucked her for a bit, but she said she had to use the bathroom.  I let her go, and when she came back, I directed her to suck my cock, which was coated her her wetness.

She went down on me, and I wrapped a leg around her.  I used my leg to set her pace, force her down, making her take my cock into her throat.  It wasn't long before I came into her throat.  I laid next to her again for a bit, caressing her soft skin..  

BDSM Info 1: Minimizing risks with choking and asphyxiation

My slave and I engage in some risky behavior.  There is no doubt that asphyxiation and choking are risky, and there is no 100% safe way to do them.  However, there are ways to minimize the risk.

Make no mistake: this play is dangerous and should never be taken lightly, if you're going to engage in it.  Cutting off oxygen for too long can be lethal.  Done carelessly, it could lead to heart attacks, brain damage, seizures, and other conditions.  

So why do we do it?  It gives us both intense sexual pleasure.  I've been doing it for two decades now, and I have not caused any injuries or death--but I still proceed with great caution.

First, let's define what I mean by asphyxiation and choking.

Asphyxiation: Deprivation of air.  

Choking: Applying pressure to the neck

Choking risks and safety

Let's begin with choking:  Choking is risky because you can do damage to the trachea (windpipe), the esophagus (the path from your mouth to your stomach), the jugular vein, which carries blood back to your heart from the brain, or the carotid artery, which carries blood to the brain.  Some methods of choking may also cause damage to the spine.

Here's what you should avoid in relation to choking:

• Never apply direct pressure to the front of the neck.  Even if you are applying pressure to the sides, you might find your thumbs pressing into the neck.  You can crush the larynx, which will cut off the airway, or you could damage the hyoid bone. 
• Avoid sudden impacts.  Some people are into hanging.  Use extreme caution.  Never do it alone, and never let yourself fall for any distance.  Gravity matters.  You could break your neck or do all sorts of damage.  
• Remember that there are a lot of nerves in the neck, some of which will knock a person unconscious.  Some of them lead to the rest of the body.  Damaging them or pinching them will cause pain or numbness. 
• Focusing pressure on the neck may cause bruising and other damage.  Marks on the neck are going to be visible.  Spread the pressure evenly to avoid marks and minimize risk of damage.   

Best practices:

• Use something wide if you are wrapping it around the entire neck to distribute pressure evenly
• If you are using the hands, be mindful of the pressure you applying with your fingertips and your thumbs.  Keep the pressure even across your palms and fingers.
• Start gently, applying pressure slowly and firmly. 
• Since choking leads to unconsciousness, make sure that the person being choked has a grip on you or has the ability to raise the head or arms, so when they begin to fall, you know to stop.  
• Watch for reactions.  When the reactions slow, you need to stop.  

Asphyxiation risks and safety

My slave and I engage in asphyxiation play more than choking.  Asphyxiation is also known as hypoxyphilia, asphxiophilia, sexual asphyxia, or breath play.  We use plastic shrink wrap (found in rolls in the moving supplies section in your do-it-yourself stores), my hand over her mouth and nose, a heavy memory foam pillow, and sometimes my own flesh.  I press her face against my chest, my thighs, my belly; I also have engaged in sitting on her face, resting my scrotum over her mouth and nose.  It's large enough to cover her face.  

Breath play can also include suffocation by applying one's body weight such a way that the lungs have difficulty expanding and the diaphragm's expansion and contraction is restricted.   Laying on your partner's body can do this.  Tight corsets restrict the action of the respiratory system, as well (which is why women used to faint when they wore them).  Covering the face with cloth (e.g., putting a shirt over the face instead of taking it all the way off, wrapping a scarf around the head, etc.) will restrict airflow somewhat.  Gags and taping over the mouth also work.  We do not do gags because of my slave's TMJ (jaw problem), but we still use tape over her mouth.

Whatever method you use, you have to take the following into consideration:

• Time is a huge factor.  Four minutes without oxygen will cause brain damage for certain, if not brain death.  Cardiac arrest is also a huge risk with low blood oxygen levels.  
• Lack of oxygen can cause unconsciousness, which means the submissive cannot tap out or say her/his safe word.  This is dangerous for all kinds of reasons, but there's also the consideration of consent--if your sub is incapable of consent, you should stop playing immediately.  That aside, your sub cannot alert you of any medical/psychological concerns.  Panic will usually set in before unconsciousness will, but if your sub is particularly good at fighting the panic response, look for slowing of reactions/weaker responses. 
• If you block the mouth, pay special attention to the nose.  The nose can become congested, especially if the submissive ends up crying during play.  
• Under no circumstances should you leave a sub who cannot breathe unattended, but you should also not leave a sub who has any airway restricted unattended,as well.  
• Allow the submissive to catch her/his breath before cutting off the airways again.  This allows the blood oxygen level to normalize, which minimizes the risk of heart attack and brain damage.
• It is essential for the submissive to know that tapping out is acceptable, but you are ultimately responsible for her/his safety.  

Jay Wiseman, author of SM 101, says that there is no safe way to do breath play.  While that may be true, one may as well say that there is no safe way to swim underwater. The risk is the same, as long as you take it seriously, don't deprive your sub of oxygen for long, and let the submissive catch her/his breath between the times you cut it off.  Research on people who hold their breath frequently for long periods, as indicated in this article, has yielded mixed results, but, as the article also says, free divers have neurological responses that fall within the average range, and they hold their breath longer than it takes for most submissives to panic.  Panic usually sets in from fifteen seconds to forty-five, in my experience, with few exceptions.