She bought a new toy from the pet store

 One day, my slave came home with a huge dog collar--something that could only be for a mastiff or St. Bernard.  It looks like a leather paddle with a leash that ends in a belt buckle.  Kind of strange, but as an implement to use on her ass, it looked promising.  

Last weekend, on Saturday, I didn't feel good in the  morning.  I didn't think we'd get any play in, honestly, but by around noon, I was feeling better. I told her to follow me into the bedroom.  

Once she washed herself, I had her get implements, being  sure she included that huge dog collar. She put on red and black lingerie with no panties.  As she crawled over to me on the bed, I played with her tits for a little bit, then I said, "Bring me that pussy."

She laid over me, bringing the pussy into reach.  I grabbed hold of her hair.  "What are you?"

"Your dirty fucking slut."

"Are you  plaything, whore?"

"Yes."

I grabbed hold of the dog collar and used the portion with the holes as a paddle.  "That stings," she gasped.  

"Good.  You ready for a beating, little slut?"

"Yes, Master.  Thank you, Master."

I began slapping her ass with it, 3-5 hits on each ass cheek, then alternating, again and again.  She moaned  in pain.  "You like that, whore?"

"Yes."

"Let's see how much you like it," I said, then slid a finger into her wet slit, sliding from her hole to her clit, using her own juices to lubricate it as I rubbed it.  She began gyrating a little and her breathing quickened as a rubbed rapidly.  She loves it when I'm rough with it.  

After several minutes, she pleaded, "Can I cum, Master?  Please can I cum"

"Beg me!"

"Please may I cum?  Please please please oh please..."

"No," I said, then grabbed hold of her vulva and pinched.  

"Oooooh..owww."

"Do you like it when I abuse your pussy?"

"Yes."

"Do you love it?" I said, as I pulled on her flesh.

"Yes!"

"Say it!"

"I love it when you abuse my pussy.   Thank you, Master."

I began to punch it.  She loves it when I punch her pussy.  Her wetness grew.  I could hear it squelching every time my fist connected with it.  I started playing with her slit.  "Can you hear how wet you are?"

"Yes.."

"That's my dirty fucking slut," I said. "That's my little fucktoy."

I went back to slapping her ass with part of the dog collar.  Her ass was getting very red.  She was reacting to the pain even more.  

After several fresh hits with this new implement, I went back to playing with her clit.  After a bit, she begged, "Can I cum, Master?  Please can I cum?  Please!"

"No."  I went back to abusing her pussy, pinching, pulling, hitting...then I slid four fingers into her pussy and fucked it.  She gushed a bit.  She was really enjoying this treatment, and the fact that she was getting sore helped.  She loved having her sore pussy penetrated.

I went back to playing with her clit.  It wasn't long before she said again, "May I cum?"

"Beg me, whore!" 

"Please, Master, may I cum?  Please!  Pleeeease oh please..."

"Cum for me, you fucking slut."

Her orgasm was intense.  I kept rubbing that clit.  I wasn't stopping at one orgasm.  She asked again, "Can I cum?"

"Cum for me."

She came again, her wetness flowing from her pussy.  "Master, I'm weak," she said,  Her safe word.  Unusual for her to stop after two, but it took a lot out of her after the edging, plus she had been tired all morning.  

"I want to see how this thing does when I use the length of it," I growled,  holding it out to her.  "Are you ready to try that?"

"Yes."  She got into position, ass toward me, head toward the center of the bed.  

I whipped her with the collar, connecting with a loud slap and her lovely, red ass.  "Ooooo, that stings!" 

"Stick that fucking pussy out."  

She adjusted so her vulva was fully visible.  I whipped her across that ass, and it connected with both cheeks and her pussy.  

"Oooowwww..."  She withdrew her pussy slightly. 

"Stick it out, whore."  She did.  I whipped her with it again.  And again.  And again.  I'm not sure how many times I hit her that way, but it wasn't many before she said, "Master, I'm weak."

"Are you ready to get fucked, little whore? "

"Yes, Master."  

I wrapped this implement around her neck and mounted her, shoving my hard cock into her wet cunt savagely.  "Oooo my pussy.  It huuuurts," she moaned.  

"You love it when it hurts, don't you, slut?"

"Yes."

"Tell me you love it."

"I love it when my fuck my sore pussy..."

I fucked her hard, using the implement to choke her.  She got wetter.  I smacked her head a few times.  She struggled, which turned me on even more and made me grow savage with my thrusts.  "Take it you fucking slut.  Take it!"  

I then pinned both of her arms above her head and slapped her head every few thrusts.  "You're just getting wetter, fucktoy.  You love that fucking violence, don't you?"

"Yeeessss" she cried.  

I kept fucking her , degrading her as I thrust, pulling her hair, smacking her, cutting off her breath with my hand over her mouth and nose, choking her with the dog collar.  Eventually, I said, "I'm going to cum."  With a final balls-slapping thrust, I shot my load inside of her.  

I rolled off of her and said, "I love you."

"I love you too," she said breathlessly.  I rubbed her tits other parts of her as I lay there with her.  

The next day, I was pretty horny early in the day.  I went back to the bathroom.  After I was done washing off, I texted her: "Come here."

She was on the phone and told me she had to say goodbye and she would be there.  I laid there on the bed, naked, waiting for her.  

She came in and sat down on the bed by my feet.

"Do you know why you're in here?" I asked.

"To serve you," she said quietly.

"That is great answer, and the correct one."

She began rubbing my cock, then grabbed it and began stroking.  I pushed her face down against my abdomen, cutting off her breath.  I let her up after a bit and pushed her down again.  And again.  And again.  She never stopped stroking.  I let her up and said, "I love that my pleasure takes priority over your need for oxygen, whore.  You're a good little slave."  I pushed her down again and cut off her breath.  

After the breath play, I asked her, "Do you want that cock in your mouth?"

"Yes, Master.  May I please suck your cock?"

"Of course you can pleasure my cock with your mouth, whore."  I guided her head down to my cock, holding her by the hair, pushing her all the way down my shaft with my hand on the back of her head.  After a bit, I draped my leg across her upper back and used it to thrust her down over and over.  She loves that.  She loves it when she struggles to breathe while going down on me.  

I came down her throat and let her up for air.  "I love you."

"I love you, too." 

We talked for awhile.  She said at one point, "I want to try that collar again.  It stung a lot, but I feel like I could get used to it."  

"Oh, we'll definitely use that again," I said with a grin. 

On safe words: can you just say "No?"

 The answer?  Of course you can, but because of the many ways members of the BDSM community play, it becomes necessary in many circumstances to use other words or even actions to stop play when someone is uncomfortable with what is happening in a scene.  

   Recently, my slave did a post on our Facebook page, asking what people used as safe words.  A person who claimed to have left the page (and I have no reason to doubt it) called most of the answers "toxic" and made clear that they did not understand the many nuances of BDSM.  Before this same person claims that I'm gaslighting here: they did not ask any questions or run through any hypotheticals that might make them draw less nefarious conclusions about the safe words used.  

    I did find it alarming that one person said that they didn't use safe words at all and did not want to stop play for any reason.  There can ALWAYS be a reason--I have had a medical reason to stop play, and believe me, that can happen to anybody.  

   But yes, "No" can be all you need, depending on the way you play.  But as my slave mentioned, her safe phrase is "Master, I'm weak."  The person thinking that it's a toxic thing to have her say probably thinks it's some sort of mind fuck, and I understand that perspective.  However, my partner is into humiliation; she finds this safe phrase absolutely hot.  She knows  she's not a weak person.  In fact, nearly every partner I  have chosen to be with was a strong, independent woman who was very selective about who dominated them, and often dominated other men and/or women.  The ones who were purely submissive sexually were also strong women.  Hey, I have a type.  I love a challenge.  

    Another reason "no" doesn't work for my slave is that she is into consensual non-consent.  "No" is part of that type of play.  "No, stop, please don't."  It's hot for her and for me.  

    Remember, this is all about consent.  No means no, but "no" can be different words if that's what we agree to use.  

    Previously, I mentioned actions.  We engaged in play where she's not going to be able to speak--breath play, tape gags, mouth fucking, etc.  She can't always say her safe phrase.  In our contract (and you do NOT need a contract; many submissives do like clearly defined rules, though, so it's something to consider), it says for her to tap three times OR make three noises in rapid succession: "Mmm mmm mmm."  Either way, I know to stop.  

     Also, remember that with experience, a good Dominant knows how to read expressions, listen for changes in breathing, and take all kinds of physical cues that let them know that a submissive is in distress.  After 28 years in the lifestyle, I have become very good at learning the subtleties--and overt signs, of course--that mean my partner is in distress.  However, nobody is perfect, and people get carried away.   Safe words are a must!

    People can use all different safe words.  It doesn't matter which words you use.  It does matter that you clearly agree on them and that play absolutely stops when they are uttered, or if the actions or noises you agreed to make are taken or uttered.  And play can stop for ANY REASON.  It doesn't matter what it is.  If you don't stop play, you are committing the crime of sexual assault.  

How can inflicting pain on a masochist be sadistic?

 She loves suffering.  

Even better: she loves suffering for me.  

I have written about sadism before (see “On Sadism”), where I talked about the importance of reactions.   That’s the point: she gives me genuine reactions to the suffering that get me aroused.  She gets off on pain, violence, degradation, and helplessness.  She doesn’t smile, giggle, or laugh at these things; she moans, cries out, winces, and tells me how much it hurts.   Her body language tells me that the things I am doing to her hurt.  They are all the kinds of reactions I look for in sadomasochistic play. Oh, and don’t forget the pain-like reactions that come from intense and multiple orgasms after edging.  

I can’t tell you how many times people have told me that masochists are terrible partners for sadists, because sadists aren’t supposed to inflict pain on people who like it.  I can tell you exactly how wrong they are.  If you’re inflicting pain without enthusiastic consent, you’re engaging in rape with a victim you’re coercing.  If you have enthusiastic consent from someone who wants to suffer for you and gives you all of those reactions you look for in a partner, you’ve having a health BDSM relationship.  

BDSM Play 24: The Dragon’s Kiss

 We had an evening planned on the premise that we would be home alone, but the stepson didn’t work till the next day, so we decided to have some quieter play one night, then loud play the next.  

What can we do that’s not loud?  Well, “loud” is relative.  There’s a huge difference between her vocal reactions and the connection of a whip to her flesh, or a paddle, or some other implement.  Those are much louder.  We can get away with a lot without the implements.  

“What are you?” I said.  

“Your dirty fucking slut.”

“Yes, you are,” I growled, then had her lay over me crossways, so I could grab her by the throat with one hand and play with her already-wet pussy with the other.  I grabbed it, pulled, moving her back and forth by it.  She loves that pussy abuse.  She began stroking my cock.  

I put my hand over her mouth and nose, cutting off her breath, then began stroking her clit.  She kept stroking my cock.  She’s good at pleasing me while she’s struggling to breathe.  I took my hand away from her mouth, let her have a breath or two, then put it back.  After a few times, she gasped, “May I cum, Master?”

“No,” I said, then grabbed her pussy again, abusing it.  After abusing it for awhile, I began rubbing her swollen clit again, and it wasn’t long before she said, “Can I cum?  Please may I cum?  Please?  Please?”

Again I said, “No.”. I wanted to edge her well.  I grabbed her pussy again and tugged on it, putting my other hand on her throat again.  “I want to eat that pussy.  Come here.”  I turned her so I could lift her onto my face and started sucking her clit into my mouth.  I sucked and licked that clit while I held held her ass so she couldn’t move.  It wasn’t long before she asked to cum again.  I said, “Cum for me, whore!”  

She came, struggling to move away from my mouth, but I kept at it, and she asked to cum again.  I let her. And again.  And again.  Eventually she said, “Master, I’m weak.”  Her safe phrase.  

I lifted her off of me and and placed her so her ass was facing the edge of the bed.  I shove four fingers into her wet slit and started fucking her hard with them, making sure I stroked her g-spot while I did.  Four fingers leave her sore.  I wanted her sore for when I fucked her, and, of course, so did she.  She fucking loves it when it hurts.  

She asked to cum again, and I allowed her to.  Then I took my fingers out of her pussy and shoved them into her mouth.  Then I got a roll of bondage tape and taped her mouth shut.  I laid her on her back, mounted her, then shoved my cock into that tender, sore hole.  Holy fuck, was she wet.  She moaned in pain and ecstasy as I fucked her faster and harder.  I put both hands around her throat, and she gushed.  That made me want to cum.  I kept my hands around her throat while I fucked her savagely, then I said, “I’m going to cum.  I’m fucking cumming, slut!”  I exploded inside her.  I removed my hands from her throat, still inside of her.  I unwrapped the bondage tape, then I rolled off of her.  Gave her aftercare.  We went out and watched a movie after that.  

The next night was “loud” night.  I had more toys I’d recently purchased that I wanted to try.  Three of them were floggers and one was a crop.  I had her assume the position and began using the first flogger.  It stung, but was pretty normal.  We had ones that were more harsh.  The second flogger was also adequate, but nothing special.  Both floggers reddened her ass pretty well.  

Then there was the crop.  It looked like a toy, really, but that toy really did the job.  It stung and it marked. I used it on her ass and her pussy—it was easy to hit her pussy with that end.  

Then came the Dragon’s Kiss.  It was a double-tail whip with flat ends.  I whipped her once and right away, I could tell this was different.  Two perfect marks in the shape of those flat ends appeared on her ass.  I hit her again.  Two more perfect marks.  Again.  “Master, I’m weak.”

It is fucking RARE for her to use her safe word on an implement that quickly.  The only other time was a rubber single tale that was really heavy.  She has broken paddles on her ass, for fucks sake.  Solid wooded paddles.  She’s tough.  But the Dragon’s Kiss was really harsh.  

I made her orgasm a few times before I brought out the magnetic balls.  She was already sore from the night before, so this was going to be…special.  I put the magnetic balls on either side of her clit, then I added another on each side, which caused them to pinch harder.  She was moaning repeatedly in pain while I positioned her so I could straddle her.  I felt how absolutely wet she was as I entered her.  I thrust hard to get the inevitable reaction.  She cried out.  “Oh, it hurts.  It hurts!  It hurts so much.” 

“‘It hurts’ is not your safe word,” I growled as I fucked her harder.  “You love it when it hurts, don’t you slut?”

“Yes!” she cried.

“Tell me you fucking love it.”

“I fucking love it!”

“Tell me you’re a filthy little pain whore.”

“Yes!  I’m a filthy little pain whore!”

“Tell me you’re my fuckdoll.”

“I’m your fuckdoll!”

I kept fucking her and making her say what I told her to say.  She got so wet and gushed more than once.  I could feel the rush of her wetness each time. 

I came inside of her, rolled off of her, then took the magnets off of her clit.  That’s a fun time.  It hurts like hell when they come off, and I love it.  Then, like the previous night, I gave her aftercare and spent more time with her after.  

BDSM Play 23: A little surprise

 Recently, I bought several items from http://consentiskeytoys.com/, which is my site, to try them and review them.  I thought I'd by some "beginner" items so I could reach a wider audience with the toys I reviewed.  

When I ordered the tiny 10" rubber flogger, I didn't think it would do much, and when it arrived and I showed my slave, we both laughed.  It honestly looks ridiculous if you think of it as something we'll actually use.  It looks like something you would use as BDSM décor or as a gag gift.  

But I wanted to give it a try so I could give it an honest review.  So my little slut got into her blue lingerie, looking really sexy, and assumed the position on all fours on the bed, displaying her lovely, rounded ass.  I I started whipping her, and she gasped, "It stings."  

This is a woman on whose ass I have broken canes and paddles, who has bought evil-looking floggers and other toys because they looked like they would be especially painful.  It doesn't have the impact of larger floggers we have, but it made her ass nice and red.  

I stopped whipping her and started rubbing the beaded handle on her clit.  The handle soon became coated in her wetness.  She asked, "Can I cum?  Please?"

"No."

I went back to whipping her ass.  

I play porn during our play.  It turns her on to hear another woman having things done that I would do or she would like to have done.  We don't need it, but she does seem to enjoy it, and I like to talk about it in her ear, degrading her and making her tell me how much it turns her on.  I had some women bound and being forced to orgasm with a wand.  

I whipped her for awhile, then used my finger on her clit.  I brought her to the brink again, and she begged to cum.  Once again, I denied her.  I abused her pussy for a bit, grabbing it, pulling it, pinching it.  Then I went back to her clit and fingered her till she begged again.  

"Can I cum, please, Master?  Please?  Please?  Oh, please?" 

"Cum for me, whore," I growled.  

She came, arching her back and pushing against me, her breath stopping for a bit, then she gasped and moaned.  I kept going, and she asked to cum again, and again.  And again.  

I told her to turn over on her back and spread her legs.  I whipped her pussy with the mini-flogger for awhile, then I fingered her again to orgasm, then another, then she said, "Master, I'm weak."

"But not weak for this, right?" I said, as I grabbed her pussy and pulled again.  

"No," she moaned."

"You love having her pussy abused, don't you, little slut?"

"Yes," she gasped. 

I abused the outside for awhile, then inserted my fingers into her wet hole, two at first, then three, then four.  Four makes her hurt and leaves her sore.  I fucked her pussy slowly at first, then harder.  She moaned and gasped, "It hurts."

"You love it when it hurts, don't you whore."  

"Yes, I love it when it hurts."

"Take it, slut," I said, and fucked her harder with my fingers.

"Are you going to fuck my sore pussy, Master?"

I tested her soreness, outside and in.  I pinched her pussy.  "Does that hurt?"  

"Yes," she moaned.

I slid my fingers in again.  "Are you sore inside?"

"Yes," she moaned again.  

"Good," I said.  "You're ready to get fucked."  But before I entered her, I took some red bondage tape and bound her arms together, then taped her mouth.  I pushed her hands over her head and entered her easily.  She was so wet, I just slid right into her.  She moaned in pain.  She was so sore.  Her muffled moans and cries turned me on even more, and I fucked her harder, faster, savage now.  I held her hands down with one hand and slapped her head with the other as I fucked her.  She gushed.  I kept fucking her hard.  I pinched her nose shut to cut off her breath, and she gushed again.  

Eventually, I said, "I'm gonna cum!" I came, continuing to fuck her as I did.  I stayed inside of her as I unwrapped her hands.  She slid the tape off of her mouth, and I rolled off of her.  

"I love you," I said.  

"I love you, too," She replied.  

We talked for a bit, then cleaned up.  

Giving her oral

Before we met, I told my toy that I was loved giving oral, mostly because of the reactions, especially after orgasm.  

She didn't tell me then, but she'd heard the "I  love eating pussy" line before, and she had never really had great oral.  Some guys were better than others, but none could really bring her to orgasm.  

I went on to tell her that some submissives told me that they felt having a guy give oral was a submissive act.  I disagree.  I feel like it's one way to control the pleasure.  It was part of my sexual artistry; I could tell through her body language and changes in breathing whether what I was doing was going to make her cum.  

On the night we met, after we made out and I spanked her, I took her clothes off, pulled her on top of me, got her to straddle my face, grabbed her by the nipples, and said, "Do you feel like you're in control right now?"

She gasped as I sucked her clit into my mouth.  I didn't keep track of the orgasms.  I would smack her ass now and then.  I edged her a few times to make the orgasms more intense.  Made her squirt. 

But as fun as this was for her, as we explored things that were new for her, she found more things that she enjoyed better than oral.  Asphyxiation play, giving me head while I pushed her down on my cock, violent sex (slapping her head, grabbing her by the hair, fucking her savagely, smacking her tits while we're fucking), punching her pussy/pussy torture...if we did a list, oral wouldn't be in the top ten of the things I do with her.  

And she says that I am by far the best at oral of anyone she's ever been with.  I love doing it from time to time.  I love when she straddles my face and lays over me.  The view of her shapely ass with her pussy right in my face is intoxicating, and I can beat her ass with my open hands while I eat her out.  

Anyway, she suggested that I tell people about technique, because while there were some guys she was with who gave some pleasure, most guys were simply bad at it.  So here are some suggestions

First, Sam Kinison was a comedian.  I can't believe people are still taking his advice.  Maybe they don't know the advice came from him.  At any rate, licking the alphabet is not the answer.  It might feel kind of good as long as you are able to find the clit (which isn't rocket science, guys!), but it's really not a technique.  It's a joke.  It was meant to be funny, not sage advice.  Stop doing that.  

Second, and more importantly, if you don't know where the clit is, it's about time you found out.  This is useful information for fingering, too, and again, it's not that damned difficult.  You will find her vaginal opening at the bottom of her vulva.  If you spread her apart and follow her pussy up, you will find the clit at the top.  If she's turned on, it will swell, and it will be easier to find (in most cases.  There are some exceptions, where the clit doesn't really stick out).  That's where you want to flick your tongue.  You aren't painting a fence here.  Put pressure on the clit with your tongue.  Flick it from side to side, up and down, lick around it, but always put pressure on it.  

Third...you know how you like your dick sucked, guys?  Women love having the same thing done to their clits.  Suck that clit in and work it up and down with your lips and flick it with your tongue at the same time.  Now, my toy likes some biting and other things that hurt.  That's not what every women wants.  You have to pay attention to her breathing and her body language, and, of course, her safe word.  If she withdraws consent, you stop.  You can ask her what is wrong, but don't be a dick.  Be genuinely curious and learn what she wants and what she doesn't.  

I have been with vanilla women and ones who were kinky as fuck, and I have always been good at oral.  I have never failed to make a woman orgasm from it.  They are all somewhat different, but if you put pressure on the clit when you flick it with your tongue and suck on that clit, you will get her to cum.  

Now with my toy in particular, I like to drape her clit over my bottom row of teeth and flick my tongue over her clit, nibble it some, bite it sometimes. I will tease her, biting her pussy and her thighs, then going back to her clit.   I like to build her up, edge her, make the orgasm as intense as possible.  Then, when she cums, I keep going and drive her wild.  I will make her orgasm till she uses her safe word.   

I'll give you two more bits of advice here

1. When you finger her, make sure  you get her wet with some dirty talk and exploring erogenous zones, or if she's like my toy and a masochist, some pleasurable pain.  Then, slide your finger into that wetness before you draw it out and use her own juices as lubricant.  Don't start dry.  A lubricated clit is a happy clit.  

2.  Find her g-spot.  Slide your finger inside of her, then use your finger in a beckoning gesture on the front wall of her vagina.  It feels like a tiny bump, but you'll know when you find it.  She'll definitely let you know with her body language and her breathings, and most likely moaning or gasping.  It feels different then rubbing her clit, and the orgasm is more intense from the g-spot.  

BDSM Play 22: The Spanking Bench

 If there’s any doubt about whether my slave consents to what we do, one must only look at the BDSM equipment she has purchased for us over the years we’ve been together.  She has purchased an evil-looking flogger, several paddles, a few belts, lingerie, restraints…

The most recent purchase she made was a spanking bench.  

It’s too big to be practical in the bedroom, so I set it up in my office.  My toy came in, stripped, and assumed the position on the bench.   I tied down her arms and legs.  Once restrained, her ass was up, her face was down, her pussy was showing, and she was ready to take hard punishment.  

Not that whipping her ass is punishment, really.  The day we met, she presented a belt to me with metal studs in it, and she absolutely loved that beating.  We still have that belt.  It was the first implement I used.  

I whipped her ass with the belt several times.  Her ass red, I stopped the beating to finger her clit, sliding a finger into her slit to lubricate it, then rapidly rubbing that clit until she asked me if she could cum.  

“Beg me, whore,” I growled. 

“Please, may I cum?  Please, please Master, may I come?  PLEASE…”.  The urgent pleading in her voice made me rock hard.  

“No.  I’m not ready for you to cum yet, slut.”  I picked up another implement.  This was the evil flogger she’d purchased some years ago.  I whipped one ass cheek, then the other, then back and forth, then a few times on one, a few on the other, some on the back of her thighs, some on her back, then giving attention to her increasingly red, shapely ass.  Goddamn, her ass is so fucking nice.  

I stopped again to work her clit.  She loves the way I finger her.  I took her to the brink again.  

“Please Master, may I cum?  PLEASE please please…”

“No.”

I rubbed her ass for a bit then I grabbed her pussy and tugged.  She loves pussy torture.  I smacked it, pulled on it, made her moan and cry out.  She loves to suffer for me.  She loves it when I get violent.  

“Are you my little fuck toy?”

“Yes.”

“Tell me.”

“I’m your little fuck toy.”

“Are you a dirty fucking slut?”

“Yes, I’m your dirty fucking slut.”

“You want your ass beat some more, little whore?”

“Yes.”

I picked up a rubber paddle. That fucking thing is brutal.  I beat her ass with it, and I could tell there would be bruising.  Still, she did not say her safe word.  It has been awhile since she had gotten a proper beating—we don’t have as much privacy as we used to—and she wanted it badly.  

I stopped after making her ass black and blue, picked up a heavy-duty massager, exposed her clit, and put the vibrating attachment against it.  I had the setting low at first, and she started breathing heavy and morning.  I turned up the setting, and she began struggling against the ropes, contorting her body, moaning harder…

“Can I cum please, Master?  Please, may I cum?  Please please please”

“Cum for me, whore.” 

Edging always makes her orgasms so intense, and this massager made it even more so.  Her back arched, she struggled to pull away and couldn’t, moaned, cried out, stopped breathing…and asked if she could cum again.  Then again.  Then again.  Then again…

Then she said, “Master, I’m weak.”

I stopped.  Untied her.  Asked, “Do you want my cock inside of you, slut?”

“Yes.”

So we walked to the bedroom.  I took out some magnetic balls that function as clips—they are strong magnets, and I have used them on her labia and her clit.  This time, I put them on her clit and started fucking her.  It hurt.  She loves it when it hurts.  She squirted.  Once, twice, three times, she squirted and I fucked her savagely.  

“Ooooh, it hurts.  Fuck it hurts.  Fuuuck…”

“You love it when it when it hurts, don’t you, slut? “

“Yes.”

“Say you fucking love it when it hurts.”

“I fucking love it when it hurts.”

“Fuck yeah, you do, you dirty fucking slut.”  I fucked her harder.  I cut off her breath.  Fucked her even harder.  Choked her.  Fucked her savagely  

“I’m going to cum, little whore.  I’m going to cum, fuck I’m going to cum…”  I came inside of her.  I rolled off of her, then pulled the metal balls off her clit.  They hurt more when they come off.  

I rubbed her tits while we laid there, talking.  

BDSM Play 21: We didn't need the toy bag after all

Anytime we're able to get a night out by ourselves, it's a good night to play.  We had an opportunity last weekend to go to a hotel.  As usual, we packed our toy bag, but a couple items were missing--belts.  I knew where the belts were, but in the process of getting out the door, I ended up getting sidetracked and forgot them.

I resolved to find a place to get a belt when we got to our destination.

We got to the hotel.  After we decided on where to go for dinner, I looked for somewhere to buy a belt--and it turned out there was a store open 24/7 (it was New Year's Day) only four minutes away from the restaurant.  Perfect!

After we had dinner (excellent service, by the way), we went shopping.  We couldn't find any studded belts, but we did find a nice, long leather belt with imprints of skulls with wings.  It was a size 50--the length was definitely going to add to the impact.

When we returned to the hotel, I got her to strip down to her lacy tank top.  Her ass was bare.  "Get on all fours on the bed," I commanded.  She promptly obeyed, displaying her lovely, round ass as a target.

I took the belt out of the bag, wrapped it around her neck, and held it with one hand, caressing her ass with the other.  I bent to speak into her ear, "Who are you?"

"Your dirty fucking slut." That is what she is supposed to answer.  That is what I have told her to answer, and she obeys. 

"That's right, whore.  You're my toy, my slut, my plaything.  Are you ready to have your ass whipped?"

"Yes, Master."

I took the belt away from her neck and got the measure with a few practice swings.  This is not because I need practice, but because it's not only a tease, but it gets her into the proper mindset.  It gets her wet. 

I took my first real swing.  The length of this belt meant that I could get both cheeks at once.  I often alternate; she lasts longer.  But this time, I alternated between both cheeks and her thighs.  With each swing, her ass and thighs turned a more pronounced shade of read, and she had marks on her thighs from the impacts that were a bit more than red skin. 

I stopped the whipping to find her clit with my finger.  I stroked it slowly at first, coating my finger with her wetness first and using it to lubricate her clit while I stroked.  She likes it done vigorously--violently, even--so my movements became more rapid.  Her breathing became heavy.  She moaned.  She writhed. 

"Master, can I cum?  Please?"

"Beg me, whore."

"Can I cum?  Please, Master, may I cum?  Please?  Please??"

"No, you may not."  And I stopped.  I do not deny orgasm except to edge, and I edge to make the orgasms more intense when I finally allow them.  I started whipping her again. 

I don't count the strokes, except to make her count, occasionally, but she can take a whipping.  I don't stop at 10, or 20.  There could be hundreds of strokes in a night, depending on the implement, especially when I stop to edge her.  And stop I did. 

I stroked her clit again, bringing her to bring.  She begged.  I denied her once more. 

I put the belt around her neck again, and I rolled her over on her back.  I went down on her.  I sucked her clit into my mouth, draped it over my teeth, and flicked my tongue over it.  I nibbled it, sucked it in and out between my lips, flicked it with my tongue...and once again, she was begging me to let her cum. 

"Cum for me, you dirty fucking slut."

And that reaction came...her breathing stopped, her back arched, she caught her breath and held it again, and I didn't stop.  I worked her clit with my mouth through more orgasms.  I did not count.  Eventually, they get painful for her.  Eventually, she said, "Master, I'm weak."   Her safe word. 

I wrapped the belt around her neck once again, and I mounted her.  I pulled the belt tight to choke her, and I fucked her savagely, smacking her head, holding my hand over her mouth and nose to cut off her breath occasionally, then grabbing the hair on both sides of her head and holding her in place while I came to the brutal finish.  I fucked her hard and used her hair for leverage, as I let the belt rest on her neck.  She gushed, leaving a huge wet spot on the mattress.   The more brutal, the wetter she is. 

I came hard, laid down beside her, held her close. 

"I love you."

"I love you, too." 

I stroked her hair and caressed her back as we came down from our intense physical and emotional high.  Aftercare is essential. 

BDSM Play 20: Studded belt, savage fucking, rough blowjob

Something rare happened today.  We were alone in the house!

Two of the kids were off at school, and the third got a ride to work today.

I was working, but fortunately, I'm helping out a team that's in transition, so I actually have a lot of down time.

My slave​ said to me, "We're alone!"

"We are?  Go get the belt."

She has a few choices of belt. She brought back one with two round pieces of metal every half inch or so.  It looks brutal...and she loves brutal.

After whipping her several times, I had her count.  Counting often gets her to push her limits, because she knows there's an end in sight.  I knew she was getting there.  I had her go to twenty.

I spread a blanket on the couch.  "Sit down and spread your legs."

She complied, and I started smacking her exposed labia with my open hand.  Then, I grabbed the belt.

"Are you ready?"

"I don't think so."

"Does it matter?"

"No, Master."

I started hitting her with the belt.  She was hissing through her teeth at the pain and crying out a little.  I hit her on her thighs, aiming carefully to avoid her fingers, because she was holding her legs up with her hands.  I went back to her clit after that.  A few strokes later, she said it: "Master, I'm weak."

I slid my arms underneath her, lifted her up, and carried her down the hallway to the bedroom.  I let her down.  She still had a hoodie and a shirt on, but no pants.  I stripped her roughly and pushed her down on the bed.

"I'll give you a choice, slut," I said.  "You can lube it with your mouth, or I can go in dry."

"Go in dry."

Always the rougher choice.  Good girl.  "Come here," I growled, and pulled her toward me, pushing her legs back in the same motion.  I shoved it inside her, but going in with a dry cock didn't matter much; her wetness made my entry easy.  Still: "It hurts," she moaned.

"Good.  I want you to suffer.  You want to suffer for me, don't you, little whore?"

"Yes, Master."  And she does.  She loves when I abuse her down there, and she's sore when we fuck.

I gathered her hair into one bundle and held it in my left hand, thrusting myself into her while I smacked her head.  I covered her mouth and nose with my right hand, cutting of her breath while I fucked her.  I took my hand off and closed it around her neck.

I took my left hand from her hair, shoved both arms above her head, and wrapped the pillow around her head.  She screamed and struggled, but didn't tap out.  Her growing wetness gave lie to her muffled screams for me to stop.

I took the pillow off her face.  "Beg me to make you suffer."

She moaned.

"Beg me."

"Master, please, I want to suffer for you."

I grabbed two fistfuls of her hair.  "Tell me you want to be my fucktoy."

"I do.  I want to be your fucktoy."

I pulled her head down by her hair and began fucking her hard.  "Please stop.  It hurts.  It hurts.  Please..."

I wasn't stopping.  I only fucked her with more savagery.  I wanted to finish in her mouth, though, so I stopped, got off of her...

Then I got a work call.

It was mercifully short, and I was able to go back to the bedroom in around two minutes, logging out for lunch so there would be no more interruptions.

"Get to it, slut.  I want you to worship my cock."

I was rough with her, as usually, using my leg behind her head to set the pace and force her down on it.  She struggled to breath around my cock when it wasn't in her throat, but she never came up to catch her breath.  I gave her warming, and she went down deliberately, as far as she could, to take my load in her throat.  Good little slave.

We lay there for awhile, enjoying each other, my arm draped over her, stroking one of her breasts.

If only we had this kind of privacy every day.

BDSM Fiction 2: Dinner and Dessert

Tonight, I gave my slave specific instructions on how to prepare dinner.

She began by cooking the meal in her robe, a short one that showed off her well-toned legs.  She's a great cook, which is a huge bonus when your slave/wife is into being the 1950s housewife.  I waited for dinner on the chaise, relaxing after a day's work, being treated as the breadwinner should.

She finished dinner, brought the plate over to one side of the table, shed her robe, crawled onto the other side of the table naked, laid on her back, set the plate on her sexy, flat abdomen, and said, "Master, dinner is served."

I walked over to the table, sat down, picked up the knife and fork, and began to eat.  Each time I took a bite, I took my time chewing, and used the rounded end of the fork to rub her clit.  She had to stay still so she wouldn't upset the plate.  Her breathing gave away her struggle to do so.

I finished the meat--a beautiful cut of steak--and angled the knife against her skin, scraping it along the length of her body from abdomen to neck and back down.  A bit of fear entered into her breathing, but an excited fear...a fear the turned her on.  I would never cut her with a dirty knife, but there is always the chance of slipping, especially when the knife is sharp.

I finished the side dish, and I took a little longer rubbing her clit with the fork.  She finally asked permission to orgasm.  "No," I replied, and moved the end of the fork away.

She gave a near-breathless sigh, with a hint of waiver in it.  She wanted that permission so badly.

"Now for dessert."

I walked over and got dessert myself.  I didn't want her to move.  As cold is a hard limit for her, I draped a cloth napkin over her skin to keep the cold from getting to her, and I brought a plate with a slice of cheesecake on it out of the refrigerator.  I ate it slowly, rubbing her clit in between bites again, but edging her each time.  I made her beg for permission, and each time, I denied her.  To her credit, she was able to keep her upper body still, though she moved her legs with the agony of ecstasy.

"Now, for your dessert."

I went and got the other slice of cheesecake, made her get onto her hands and knees in front of me, and eat the cheesecake without hands, without utensils.  Ah, what a sight she was, with her narrow waist and curvy hips, her ass molded and shaped by years of ballet and athletic activity, her long violet hair draped over the side of her face opposite of me...she was beautiful in her submission, and the degradation of eating like a common animal made the sight even more appealing.  She is my favorite pet.

She finished.  I don't know how she does it, but she can eat that way without making a mess of her face.  I gave her a kiss, then said, "Now, for my second dessert."

I made her lay on her back again, but this time, her legs were draped over my shoulders.  I went down on her, sucking her clit into my mouth, nibbling it, biting down on it (she loves it rough), flicking it with my tongue.  It didn't take her long.  "Please, Master, may I cum?  Please?  Oh, please, Master..."

I let her beg for a bit, then I growled, "Cum for me."  She arched her back, her breath stolen from her, the orgasm seizing her body and making her write against her will, her muscles tightening involuntarily.  When she finally could breathe again, she whispered, "Thank you, Master."

I lifted her from the table, draped her over my shoulder, and carried her to the bedroom.  I grabbed two fistfuls of her hair and fucked her savagely.  "Stop!  Please stop!  Oh, it hurts..."

"I didn't hear a safe word, slut.  You fucking love it, don't you?  Don't you, little whore?"  I slapped her head, then grabbed her hair again.

"Yes," she admitted, almost under her breath.

I fucked her harder.  She continued to beg me to stop...and then she begged me to let her cum again.  "Please may I cum?  Please?  Please, Master..."

"Cum for me, little whore."

She came again.  I felt her wetness gush over my cock, felt her squeeze it.  Her breath was lost again, and I delighted in the sight of her arching her back again, her mouth parted as though crying out, though no sound came out.  She was able to moan after several seconds, and she expressed her gratitude once more.

I continued to fuck her hard, grabbing her hips and pulling her into me as I thrust.  It's just how she likes it, and with my hands off her hair, the pain no longer distracted her from the sensations below.  I slapped her repeatedly.  She loves it when it's violent.  I kept hold of her right hip as I slapped her with my right hand.  Sweat began to pour down my face, and I wiped it onto my hand, then wiped my hand on her face.

"What are you?"

"Your whore."

"What else are you?"

"Your plaything."

"That's right: you're my favorite toy.  I love using your little body, whore.  Do you like being used?"

"Yes."

I summoned more strength for my thrusts and fucked her rapidly, hard, fast,,,

"I'm going to cum...oh fuck..." My language was gone, reduced to primal grunts and growls, and I came inside of her, flooding her, draining myself into her.

I collapsed next to her.  She turned onto her side, and I pulled her into me, and we melted into each other for awhile.

BDSM Info: The value of a contract and documented rules

I've been roundly criticized for having a contract and a formal set of rules.  It's never bothered me, because the way I play is the way I play, and unless you have a safety/medical concern, your opinion doesn't matter.

However, I think it's valuable for those new to the lifestyle--or even those who have just "winged it" for years--to understand why I and others find value in contracts.

No, we're not copying off of 50 Shade of Grey.  Stop that.  That's fiction, and not a guide to a BDSM lifestyle.  Nobody talks a virgin into signing a contract like that.  Okay, no responsible dominant would talk a virgin, who can't have informed consent, into signing a contract like that.  Well, not so much talked into, as hounded, intimidated, and practically forced.

I digress.

Contracts have been around for a long time.  I haven't used them in the past, since most of the partners I've had in the past were masochists, not formally slaves.  We were all about playing with pain, and not about obedience and discipline.  I was dominant by default, almost, because I was a natural at it, and it is the typical role of choice of the sadist, just as submissive is the typical role of choice for the masochist--thought it's not always the case.  Nothing is set in stone in the world of sexuality--never fall into that trap.  It might be set in stone for you, but it's not a good assumption to believe that every plays like you do.

If you do find yourself in a D/s (whatever form that takes) relationship, a contract is a good idea, not because it protects you legally (no court in the civilized world would defend your claim of ownership over another person), but because it provides a framework for the submissive in which to play, and it provides a level of comfort to know exactly what the rules are.  Sometimes it's fun to play with loopholes, too, if you're into the whole bratty submissive thing...but if you're not, and you're looking for obedience, a formal set of rules to which you both agree (or you all agree, if you're poly) is a good start.

If you don't have rules, you could fall into the area of psychological abuse.  If the submissive never feels like she/he is doing the right thing, if nothing they do seems to meet your expectations, if you constantly discipline for whatever you feel like labeling as wrong, your submissive may be in a constant state of psychological torment.  It is my firm opinion that sub drop is more likely in this sort of situation, and it's more likely for a submissive to panic when she/he doesn't know what's expected.
Another value to having rules--and going over them from time to time--is that it tends to stimulate you and your partner sexually.  That's been my experience, anyway.  Go over them every so often, weeding out ones that seemed like good ideas when you first came up with them, but don't quite fit with the way you play or with the other things going on in your lives.

Still another good thing about rules is it is fulfilling for a submissive to know that she/he is doing a good job obeying them.   If your submissive believes you are worthy of respect, even worship, obeying/following the rules, and even a particular routine or ritual, will provide fulfillment and keep your submissive happy and loyal--and, in turn, will keep you satisfied.  They are your rules, after all.  Tailor them to your benefit, and you will both (or all) be happy.

More fun with the Wartenberg wheel; breath play; rope work; knife play

With kids in the house and not much in the house dampening sound, I've shied away from using implements on my slave most of the time lately...but that's kept me out of the toy bag, and that's a shame.  There are all kinds of toys in there I can use when we play that won't make noise, or won't make enough to matter.  Two of the kids are asleep by the time we go to bed, and the third is playing games, wearing headphones, and talking on Skype--there's no way he's hearing us.

I had in mind to use the shrink wrap again.  It's one of her favorite things and mine, and it had been so long.  I'd been thinking about it all day, during work, when I could do nothing about it.  When we settled down on the couch for the evening, after the youngest went to bed, I grabbed my slave by the hair and whispered in her ear, "I've been thinking about you in shrink wrap all day.  I think we'll do a little breath play tonight."

She was enthusiastically compliant.  While she went to the bathroom in preparation for being restrained (there are few things worse than having to untie a slave for a bathroom break), I went to the bedroom to get the toys out.  I chose the Wartenberg wheel, the hunting knife, the shrink wrap, and two lengths of rope.  I also pulled out the flogger.  It's a bit worse for wear, but it is still effective.  

She came into the bedroom, and I showed her the flogger.  She immediately pulled down her jeans and assumed the position.  I began whipping her, reddening her ass...and then I received a painful reminder that one of the cats had followed us into the room.  Our biggest cat made a leap for the flogger while I was in mid-swing, missed, and latched onto my hand, hanging there by his claws for a few seconds.  He drew blood. 

I went to wash the scratches and the two puncture wounds, then bandaged them.  I made sure the cat was not in the room, and I continued the whipping.  I made her count this time, stopping a couple of times to rub her clit to the bring of orgasm, partially hoping it would make her lose count so I could start over...not that a completed count was going to stop me from continuing the whipping, but I love how it messes with her head.  She kept count, though.  I'm always impressed that she can do that now; she couldn't when we first got together.  meb

Happy with the result of the whipping, I stripped her the rest of the way, threw her down on the bed, and edged her again, this time making her beg for permission to orgasm.

"Can I cum, Master?  Please, can I come?  Oh, please..."

I let the begging continue for a few minutes, relishing her agony over wanting to orgasm and being denied, then said, "No, you may not.  You're not tied up yet."

I grabbed a length of rope, bent her leg so that her ankle was very near her thigh, and tied her lower leg to her thigh.  I wrapped the rope around her leg three times, then pulled the rope through the loop made by doubling it.  I made another coil around her leg, lower down, then I finished with coiling the rest around her ankle.  

I edged her again.  Made her beg again.  She was getting so wet...and I was more turned on that usual.  It had been so long since I'd restrained her with rope, I had forgotten how incredibly sexy she looks when I tie her up.  After denying her an orgasm for the second time, I took a moment to savor the view, then grabbed the second length of rope.  After doubling it, I used about a foot of it to whip her thighs, whip her pussy, and whip her thighs some more.  I tied her left like just like the right one.  

Damn...I wanted to fuck her then.  I wanted to just explode inside of her with her legs restrained like that...but no.  I wasn't done with her.  As sexy as she looked, we hadn't made things intense enough, and I wanted her to soak the sheets when I finally let her cum.  

I edged her for the third time.  I denied her for the third time.  I wasn't going to let her orgasm until she was completely helpless. That's when I grabbed the shrink wrap.  I made her fold her arms together, then I wrapped them together.  She was completely unable to resist now.  

I shoved my fingers into her wetness, two at first, then three, then four.  I stretched her, making her hurt.  She moaned in pain and pleasure.  I fucked her with my fingers, coating them with her juices...then I made her taste herself, making her suck her juices off her fingers.  Once they were coated with her saliva, I wiped it all over her face.  

"Does that make you feel like a cheap little whore?"

"Yes."

"You love that feeling, don't you."

"Uh huh."

"You love being treated like a little piece of meat, don't you?"

"Yes, Master."

I took the Wartenberg wheel and began to run it over the vulnerable, sensitive flesh of her inner thigh.  Then, I spread her labia and ran it over the sensitive flesh beside her clit.  I ran it over her clit...and her reaction...her breathing changed, she moaned...it was pure pleasure.  I hadn't used vampire gloves in a very long time, because my pair was ruined through use as spanking implement, but it occurred to me at that moment that the wheel would be a similar feeling, and my slave loved it when I fingered her with the gloves on.  

I rolled the wheel on her clit, over and over, and she went positively wild with pleasure.  Her back arched, her breath grew ragged, she moaned, and she got very, very wet.

"Master, may I cum?  Please, please, please may I cum?" she breathed.  She could barely speak.  

"Cum for me, whore."  I held her in place, my body between her legs to keep them spread, one arm wrapped around her waist to keep her from jerking away, and kept rubbing her clit with the wheel while she came.  She squirted a bit, drenching the sheet.  Between the orgasm from the wheel and the edging that came before, her orgasm was explosive.  

I made her cum again before I stopped running the wheel over her clit. 

It was time for breath play.  

"Are you ready, little slut?"

"No," she gasped.  

"Does it matter that your not ready?"  

"No," she moaned.  

I smacked her on the side of the head.  "All that matters is that I'm ready," I growled, then grabbed a fistful of her hair.  "Right, little slut?"

"Yes, master."

I pulled her head up by her hair and started wrapping the shrink wrap around her head.  I wrapped it around her forehead, her eyes, her nose, and her chin, then wrapped it around her mouth, as well.  I laid over her chest and looked into her eyes, which were open under the plastic, and waited for her panic to set in, as it inevitably would.  It took some time.  She can hold her breath for a long time...but the shrink wrap usually causes her to panic sooner than she would if I simply held my hand over her mouth and nose.  The panic finally came, but she didn't tap out.  She fought it.  She struggled.  She writhed.  She was so fucking sexy. 

I finally poked a hole in the plastic for her mouth.  I barely let her catch her breath when I kissed her, covering her lips completely and moving my tongue over hers.  Even as she struggled for breath, she returned my kiss, moving her tongue in response.  I broke away from the kiss, grabbed another piece of the shrink wrap, and put it over her mouth.  The panic came more quickly this time, and I took the plastic off.  I wanted to fuck her.  I needed to fuck her.  

But first...I grabbed the hunting knife.  I ran it over her breasts, her face, her neck.  

"What would you say if I said I wanted to see your blood?"

"Not with that knife."

That was an unusual response.  I usually say things like this, knowing it's a hard limit and it's not going to happen.  Her response usually plays into the role of the helpless victim, crying "No, please don't" or something along those lines, but this...

"Have you been thinking about blood play?"

"I've been thinking about it for a long time now."

"Hmmmm...interesting.  But no, not with this knife.  It can be sharpened, though..."

I picked her helpless body up a bit and moved her roughly into position.  I grabbed her thighs and pulled her toward me.  It wasn't difficult to slide inside of her; she was soaked.  With the knife pressed to her neck, I fucked her savagely, grabbing her by the hair as I did.  It was clear that she was getting too hot, so I ripped the plastic off of her head and her arms, then I pinned her arms above her head and fucked her harder.  

When we were finished, we lay down next to each other, and I caressed her body.  We talked a bit about the possibility of blood play.  She's still scared of it, but it excites her, too.  Maybe someday...

BDSM Play 19: Wartenberg wheel and obedience

I stopped a conversation with my slave last night with some aggressive fingering.  It completely interrupted her train of thought, and she forgot all about what she was trying to say.  It wasn't long before she was asking permission to cum.

"Beg for me, whore,"

"Please, Master?  Please may I cum?  Please?" she begged, breathlessly.

I let her agonize over stopping herself from having an orgasm for a couple of minutes, then I gave her permission.  Her orgasm was intense; she arched her back, squeezed my arm, and couldn't breathe until it was over.  I didn't stop.  I kept fingering her until she had a second orgasm.

"That one wasn't as intense."

I wasn't taking that one lightly.  I grabbed her by the hair and put her hand behind her back, and I walked her back to the bedroom.  I pulled her pants down, smacked her ass, then turned her around and pushed her onto the bed.  I pushed her legs up, went down on her, and sucked her clit into my mouth, clamping down on it with my teeth, then rubbing it between my tongue and the back of my teeth.  I let it go and sucked it in and out of my mouth, flicking it with my tongue all the while.

"Master, may I cum?  Master, please, please may I cum?  Please?" she begged.

"No."

I got up and went over to the toy bag.  I got out the bondage mittens and the Wartenberg wheel.  I set the wheel between her tits and slid the bondage mittens over her hands.  I put the locks on the wrist restraints, then I used the rings on the ends to lock them together with a third padlock.  I took the Wartenberg wheel into my hand and started rolling it down her inner thighs.  She jerked and moaned as the needles poked her tender flesh.  I rolled it over her labia, over her clit, on her abdomen, on the underside of her tits, over her nipples.

Then, I had her stick out her tongue.

I rolled it over her tongue, and her reaction made it clear that she didn't like it, but she also was not saying her safe word.  I enjoyed the reaction immensely, so I did it again.  She winced and whimpered, but she took it like a good little slave.

I went down on her a second time, bringing her to the brink of orgasm again, and again, I refused her.  I ran the wheel over her flesh again, bit her on the belly and her thighs, and went down on her a third time.  I let her beg for permission for around two minutes, then I said, "Cum for me, slut."  She gushed.

While I was giving her clit oral attention, I noticed that she was having some luck with sliding the bondage mittens off.  They usually don't move at all.  I did not tighten them enough.  I told her to try to get out, and she did with some effort.  I immediately pinned her arms to the bed, and said, "You might get out of those, but you're still helpless, aren't you, little whore?"

"I can't move."

"No, you can't.  There's nothing you can do about me fucking you."  With that, I shoved my cock into her wet hole, and while I fucked her, I told her, "Stick out your tongue."

With a look of reluctance  but without hesitation, she obeyed, and I ran the wheel over her tongue.

"You don't like that, do you?"

"Not very much, no."

"But I love the reaction.  It's so hot to watch you and hear you whimper.  Stick out your tongue."

She obeyed.  Winced.  Moaned and squealed a bit.  And her wetness spread.  She was so fucking wet.  She might not have enjoyed the feeling of those tiny spikes rolling across her tongue, but she certainly enjoyed me making her obey.

"Again."

Again, she obeyed.  And again, and again, as I thrust my cock hard into her soaking wet cunt.  I eventually put down the wheel and choked her while I fucked her, then released, then took the pillow and put it over her face.  She turned her head and found space to breathe, so I wrapped the pillow around her head to give her nowhere to go.  The helplessness, the inevitability of acceptance of her suffocation, the panic displayed as she clawed at the pillow and struggled, and her incredible wetness all made the orgasm surge in me.  I came hard inside of her and released her head from the pillow before she could tap out.

I laid down next to her, stroking her hair, rubbing her back and her ass (which was coated with her wetness in part), and I said, "You may not have enjoyed the wheel on your tongue, but you loved obeying me.  You were so wet."

"That wheel was uncomfortable."

"Yes, but as you said yourself, a slave's life is not about comfort."

"I did love the intensity, and I love it when you make me obey."

We enjoyed laying naked next to each other for awhile, then we went to clean up.

Do you have to be a submissive to become a good dominant?

Pick your title: Master/Mistress and slave, Dom/me and submissive, top and bottom...there are people who say that you either can't be a good dominant without first being a submissive, or that the best dominants are ones who were submissive first.  This opinion seems to be purely anecdotal.  A search for research on this topic yields no studies.  What tool(s) do we have left with which we may examine the claim?  In lieu of studies--which I fully support, if they exist or if they come about in the future--we can attempt to look at it logically.

The assumption that it's better to be submissive before one becomes dominant presupposes the following:

• Submissives share common experiences, so if one has been submissive, one will know what a submissive wants/needs/feels
• Submissives make good dominants
• A dominant cannot be as good if he/she never submits

The first presupposition takes a cookie-cutter approach to the submissive experience--an idea that is ludicrous on its face.  Not all submissives are the same.  Some enjoy pain; some don't.  Some respond well to corporal punishment, while others respond well to nurturing, positive reinforcement, tasks, or verbal reprimands.  Some are simply obedient and do not need correction, and they are quick learners who require very little training.  In short, no submissive is really the same as any other.  Assuming you know what a submissive wants because that's what you wanted represents an unrealistic expectation that will make you less adaptable. 

The idea that there's a progression from submissive to dominant does not mesh with my twenty years in the BDSM lifestyle.  There are submissives, there are dominants, and there are switches, and those who are submissive or dominant tend not to want to be anything else.  I know some people who started out submissive and became dominant, and I know people who wanted to be dominant in the beginning, then went through a mentoring/learning process to get there.  It is not, by any means, a rule that dominants start out as submissives, and, since all the people with this opinion have are anecdotes, I will offer that anecdotally speaking, the best dominants I have known have never been submissive.  That's not to say that I'm right and they're wrong, but if we're only going on personal experience, my observations are just as good as theirs.  Right?

Finally, I object strongly to the supposition that a dominant can't be as good if he/she has never submitted.  I don't think I need to have been a submissive to have empathy.  I have acquired the skills to listen to my partner, to understand body language, to understand tone of voice and types of breathing, to know what questions to ask--verbally and physically--to make our experience the best it can be.  I know when my slave is into what I'm doing and when she's not.  I know what makes her wet, I know what gets her into the mood, I know how to maintain continuity of play, and I know how to regain control if something interrupts us.  I am not sure how being a submissive contributes to any of this experience.  I don't need to know what the flogger feels like on my skin (though I have tried implements on myself just out of curiosity) to know what her responses mean.  I can tell how much aftercare she needs and what kind.  

This argument takes me back to when a lesbian friend of mine opined that women give better oral than men to other women because they know what women want--they have the same parts.  I know that opinion doesn't hold water, because each woman I've gone down on has wanted something different.  Some women love it rough; some women want it gentle.  Some want the clit sucked in and nibbled, or even bitten; some just want it sucked gently, with the tongue flicking over it.  Assuming that every member of your sex wants head the same way ignores a simple truth: we are all sexual individuals.  We have different erogenous zones, different qualities to which we are attracted, different levels of sensitivity on our genitalia.  To believe that you have the puzzle solved because you were once a puzzle yourself ignores the fact that there are billions of puzzles out there, and you're only an expert on one.  

I think about my experiences in this lifestyle, and how different each and every submissive has been: one had no limits to the pain she desires, even to the point where there were serious safety concerns.  Another wanted nothing but blood play.  Another enjoyed electricity and spanking, but not needles.  Another enjoyed bondage and humiliation, but not a lot of pain.  There are as many different ways to play as there are players.  It's not a cookie-cutter experience, and that's what this idea of requiring dominants to first be submissive suggests.  

BDSM Info 2: Blood

The number one thing you should know about playing with blood is that you shouldn't.  The risk is high.  No matter how you draw blood, no matter what you use, no matter how careful you are, there is always the risk of infection.  The cut(s) could get infected, or you could be infected with a blood-borne pathogen.

I've played with blood.  A lot of people have and do.  Since people engage in this kind of play, I think it is valuable to present ways to minimize risk.

Sterilization

Anything you use to cut someone should be clean and free of microbes.  I recommend metal scalpels. They are incredibly sharp and not heat-sensitive, so you can use an autoclave to sterilize them.  Autoclaves are available from medical supply stores and Amazon, and range in price from $47 for a small one intended for use in tattoo shops to a few thousand dollars for ones intended for surgical use.  The Center for Disease Control recommends steam and flash sterilization, which you my learn about here.  

In the absence of an autoclave, you can clean your equipment with a detergent and water, or an enzyme cleaner, then boil it to sterilize it.  There are several methods that should be considered best practices, and a good resource for learning about them is this article.  

Of course, sterilization is not going to decrease your risk of exposure to blood-borne pathogens; it's only going to decrease the risk of infection to the cut.

It's important that you remember the cleaning part, as well; you do not want irritants in the cuts, either.  You run the risk of increased pain, rashes, and scars (some people want scars, and we'll get to that).

Cutting

I have used a scalpel, a hunting knife, and razor blades in blood play.  The sharper the blade, the cleaner the cut, and the less likely there will be scars.

When I cut, I want to taste the blood.  Putting one's mouth on an open cut is one reason why blood play is risky; there is bacteria in your mouth.  You can minimize the bacteria by using mouthwash beforehand and brushing your teeth, as well as making sure your face is clean.  There's no way to eliminate the risk here, but disinfecting the wound immediately after play will minimize the risk of infection as much as possible.  Washing it with soap and water, disinfecting, then dressing the wound should be part of your aftercare.

I typically taste the blood, then kiss my partner with blood in my mouth/on my lips.  It can be intoxicating and incredibly erotic.  I avoid going deep with cuts, and I avoid areas where there are major veins and arteries.  Knowledge of the circulatory system helps.

For an extra painful experience, once you clean and disinfect a wound, use Liquid Skin to close it.  It burns like fire.

It should be stressed that there is no way to reduce your risk of blood borne pathogens if you're tasting blood, other than perhaps collecting the blood and boiling it first, or putting it under UV light before drinking it.  It would ruin the moment for me.

Smearing the blood, using it to write things on paper or on the skin, using it to make designs...there are other things to do than taste the blood.  Your creativity and level of accepted risk are the limits.  You still have the risk of blood-borne pathogens.

Flaying

Flaying involves removing the epidermis, or outer layer of the skin, to expose the dermis.  The dermis is really sensitive, amplifying all sensations you normally feel through your epidermis.  It's especially sensitive to heat, but pretty much any sensation is going to be magnified if experienced with the dermis instead of the epidermis.  Alcohol rubbed on the dermis will burn.

The trick is remove just enough skin to expose the dermis, but do not be surprised if you draw blood the first time, or even the first few times.  You don't need to cut very deep to get to it.  The epidermis will grow back, and scarring is rare.

Dripping wax on the dermis, using alcohol on it, using ginger root...there are many things that will bring pain through flaying, but be extra careful--it is much easier to damage.  Drip any wax from a distance--what will simply be warm on the epidermis will really hurt on the dermis, even if it doesn't actually damage it.

Scarifcation

Scarification is exactly what it sounds like: leaving scars on purpose.  There are several ways to do it-and not just with cutting.  You can burn to scar, as well.  Neither method is free of risk.

Tattoo shops will do scarification tattoos, and these people are artists.  They will create interesting, aesthetically pleasing designs.

A dominant who wants to mark a sub with scarification may consider doing it, but since this is a lasting body modification, it may be better to leave it to a professional, especially if it's something other people will see.

Typically, you draw a design (or etch it, then use ink to imprint it) on the skin surface, then cut away the skin necessary to create the design.  To get it to stay as a scar, get a baby toothbrush and peroxide, wet the scabs to soften them, then brush them with the baby toothbrush and peroxide.  If you leave it alone, it is likely to heal without scars.

I will not get into burning here, because this is an article about blood.

BDSM Movie Review: Secretary

Years after hearing about the movie and more years after hearing about the story, I finally saw "Secretary".

There will be spoilers in this article. 

First of all, I have seen James Spader and Maggie Gyllenhall in other films, and I like them both.  I have nothing against them as actors.  I think they're excellent actors.  Their characters, on the other hand, are mixed for me.

Maggie's character, Lee, may or may not have a mental disorder.  I can't decide.  She might be a compulsive cutter, which is a problem, or she might just be a masochist who doesn't know there's a word for what she is until later in the film.  I think it's the latter, honestly; she only went to the institution because she cut herself too deeply on accident.  She cuts and burns herself to feel pain, which gives her pleasure.  She doesn't compulsively do it for self-harm, as strange as that might sound.  There's not a lot of depth to her, really, but she does go through a journey of self-discovery and finds out who she truly is through the course of the film.

My main problem with Lee is my problem with just about every woman portrayed in a BDSM situation in just about every movie with any sort of BDSM in it: she is virginal, comes from a broken home, and may or may not be broken herself.  While there are people from dysfunctional families and mental problem who exist in the BDSM community, there never seems to be a portrayal of a mentally healthy female with any sort of sexual experience, ever.  It has to be a young, naive girl who doesn't know what she wants, and must be shown what she wants by a man.

This brings us to the man, Spader's character, E. Ernest Grey.  He's an attorney who claims to be shy, and acts that way when he first meets Lee.  He doesn't seem dominant at all.  He's apparently had experience; his last secretary left in tears, and it seems to be a repeated behavior: he hires a secretary, uses her for his spanking fetish, feels guilty, and gets rid of her.

I can understand the moral dilemma.  I went through the same sort of dilemma regarding my sadism for a few years.  I wasn't sure what I was doing was moral in any way, even if a woman was willing.  I didn't have that moral dilemma early on, but I kept meeting women who had been through a great deal of abuse in their homes, and I started feeling like I was feeding into their mental issues.  I wasn't as involved with the community as I should have been, or I would have known that the mix of people with mental issues and histories of abuse matched the general population, more or less.  When I met a few masochists who had never been abused and were mentally together, I stopped trying to suppress who I was.  Who I am.  I'm so happy I got over the dilemma.

In any case, Grey strikes me as someone who hasn't had any interaction or education in the community.  He doesn't bother with finding out about whether Lee is curious about kink, never discusses safe words or the parameters of the relationship or the play.  Furthermore, what he does is terribly unprofessional--and I'm sure the intention is for the audience to know he knows that; it adds to his guilt over his proclivities.  It's also predatory.  Being in a power position and using someone over whom he has power as the object of his sadistic attention is victimization.  He is simply lucky that Lee not only goes along with it, but likes it.

What message does it send, though?  It's similar to the manosphere idea that what women really want--every time--is to be taken by force.  He doesn't fuck her, but coming from a sadist's perspective, what he does is rape, or at least sexual assault, because he doesn't get explicit consent, uses his position of power to make it difficult for his intended victim to say no (she could lose her job, after all), gaslights (makes his victim think that she can't do anything right), and does, at one point, stalk.  He follows Lee to the laundromat and sees her with Peter, then gets angry about it.  He's obviously jealous.

He starts controlling her diet in an unhealthy way.  I get that Lee finds comfort in getting his permission, and that she no longer self-harms because of him, but she's new to the lifestyle and naive; she doesn't realize that Ernest knows nothing about safety.  She puts her trust is someone who can't even trust himself.

Then, we come to the "hunger strike", which is really Lee waiting out Ernest's command to have her sit at the desk, palms flat on it, feet on the floor, for three days.  No food, no water.  People in her life keep coming in and talking with her.  Lecturing her.  She fights her ex-fiance when he tries to get her to stop.  Now, I could have forgiven this scenario if Ernest hadn't made her wait without food or water, and if he would have allowed her to go to the bathroom.  Sitting in urea can cause the skin to break down and develop sores, which can become infected and cause serious problems, including sepsis.  Dehydration can cause severe headaches and, going for that long, death.  Now, a person can live longer without water if there's no food, but that's another thing: starvation is painful after awhile, and if there are blood sugar problems, it can be deadly.  Ernest waits for three days before he decides to give her water, finally getting over his fear of committing to this sort of relationship.

To his credit, he does give her aftercare, and after this point, when he finally accepts who he is (thanks to Lee, who came to terms with who she was after doing some actual research into domination and submission, and made him realize it was okay--that she wanted this treatment, and that it fulfilled her), they develop a healthy BDSM relationship.  Fortunately, nobody was actually hurt, with the exception of Peter, who had to go through his bride running off on the wedding day.

I can forgive a lot in this movie, based on what I suspect about the intentions regarding the characters, but I think the three-day torment of Lee was unforgivable.  Common sense should tell anyone that letting someone go without food and water for three days is unhealthy and dangerous.  Sure. Lee wasn't restrained and could have left at any time--which makes it...okay?  I'm not certain.  I'm all for risk-aware consensual kink, but I didn't see the point of endangering Lee's life by prolonging this episode for three days.

There is some good stuff in this movie.  The display of kink is very mild, but there are elements to which people who have had to come to terms with masochistic or sadistic tendencies might relate.  The stereotype of the virginal female and the predatory dominant do make it difficult for me to give this movie a full thumbs-up.

BDSM Play 18: Spanking opportunity, resistance, breath play, begging, edging, oral, rough fucking, anal

Yesterday morning, as my slave and I were getting ready to take a shower, my stepdaughter began to run the vacuum, making it impossible for anyone to hear what we were doing.  I took the opportunity to redden her sweet little ass.  I grabbed a fistful of her hair near the roots to hold her in place, then I slapped her ass, alternating cheeks, hard enough to sting both my hand and her round little butt.

"We have to take these little opportunities as they present themselves," I growled in her ear when I was satisfied with the color.  

"Yes, Master," she said, as she laid her head on my chest and I stroked her hair.  

We entered the shower soon after.  As she applied conditioner to her hair, I wrapped one arm around her waist, supported her with one leg, then found her clit with my other hand.  I fingered her rapidly, letting her feel my hot breath on her neck as I brought her to orgasm.

"Master, may I cum?" she pleaded.

"Yes, little whore.  Cum for me."  She nearly collapsed when it hit her, knees bent, mouth parted, unable to stay steady on her own.  I was there for her, though; she would not fall with me holding her.  

We finished our shower, went about our day, then wound up on the couch watching a movie.  She laid against my left side, and I rubbed her breasts, as I usually do...but I slid my left hand into her pants, fingering her again.  I got my fingers wet with her juices, which I brought to her lips.  She sucked at them greedily.  I pulled my fingers out of her mouth and wiped her saliva on her face.  She loves the degradation.  I went back to fingering her, repeating the ritual, breaking it only by covering her mouth and nose with my hand and cutting off her breath.

The first time, she took awhile to panic.  During her panic reaction, she reached back to grab my right arm.  I seized her wrist and held the arm across my lap--it's always impossible for her to resist with only one arm free, but I love to see her try.  She tapped out, and I released her mouth and nose, but held onto her wrist.  She looked incredibly sexy, one breast showing, her full abdomen, down to the upper region of her labia.  Holding her there made me so hot.

I fingered her to orgasm once, then cut off her breath a second time.  She tried to pull my right hand off of her wrist, but it was in vain.  She had no chance.  She tapped out again.  I fingered her again, but this time, I refused to let her orgasm.  

"Master, may I please cum?  Please?  Please let me cum.  Please?"  She begged.  Fuck, it's so hot when she begs.  She sounds so submissive and utterly feminine and sexy when she begs. My cock hardened against my jeans--I'm sure she felt against her arm.  

"No, not yet," I replied, and went back to cutting of her breath.  This time, when she tried to pull my hand off her wrist, I grabbed it and put it together with her other arm--and almost lost the first arm in the process.  I managed to gain control over both, and now she was completely unable to put up a fight.  

I allowed her to breath again, then went back to fingering her.  She began to beg, "Master, will you fuck me?  Please, Master.  Please?"

"I will if I feel like it, little slut.  But you can keep begging."

"Master, please treat me like the little whore I am.  Please use my pussy.  Fuck me, please, Master. Please...oh, please let me cum.  Please?  Please!"  She was so close.  I took my finger away from her clit.  

"No, not yet, little whore.  Not yet."  I cut off her breath again, savored her reaction, watching her sexy body writhe as she struggled to breathe. I released her and fingered her again.  She begged some more...and it was time.  I had to fuck her.  

We went back to the bedroom.  I pushed her down on the bed.  She didn't stay in place--she was looking to escape.  She continued to resist as I undressed her.  I nearly ripped of her shirt while I was stripping her.  I had her naked, and I went down on her freshly-shaven pussy.  It wasn't long before she was begging me for permission to cum. 

Again, I refused.

I bit her on the belly, I bit her tits...she writhed and struggled to get away, but I kept biting.  I got the belt, I wrapped it around her arms, held them in place, and went down on her again.  This time, I let her cum.  Her orgasm was so intense.  Her backed arched, her lips parted, her breath caught, and she didn't breathe or moan again until the most intense moments passed.  

She was so wet, I slid my cock right into her.  

"I'm going to take my time, little slut, and enjoy using your body and making you suffer."  I grabbed her hair in two handfuls and yanked on it with each thrust.  She was nearly in tears, but no safe phrase escaped her lips.  She managed to get the belt off of her arms, but I put it around her neck instead, and I used it to choke her while I thrust harder.  I loosened it some, enjoying the look of it around her throat, then took the end and slapped her cheek with it.  Carefully.  So carefully.  I didn't want to catch her eye or anything else--just her cheek.

She asked permission to cum, but I didn't quite understand her, and asking her to repeat herself lost the moment...but I pulled out and fingered her roughly till she begged to cum instead.  I turned her over and began to fuck her wet little cunt from behind, grabbing her wrists and pulling her arms up behind her.  It forced her face into the mattress, which I'm sure made her feel degraded.  I grabbed an ass cheek, wrapped my leg firmly around her thigh, and used the leverage to thrust into her harder.

"Master, would you fuck me in the ass?  Please?"  We hadn't done anal in awhile, actually, so I had her lay flat on the bed, and with her natural lubricant coating my cock, I entered her tight little ass easily.  I hooked an arm and grabbed her hair, then thrust rapidly, savagely.  She loves a good anal fuck.  

Sweaty, tired, I rolled off of her, laid next to her awhile, stroked her hair, told her how much I loved her, then went and took a shower.  

The next morning, the power went out at 5:30.  I ended up getting up and staying up, but the alarm was set to go off at 8:30.  I thought I'd wake her up in a different way.  I went into the room, threw the blanket off of her, dragged her by her legs to the edge of the bed, pushed them up, then thrust against her.  I fucked her for a bit, but she said she had to use the bathroom.  I let her go, and when she came back, I directed her to suck my cock, which was coated her her wetness.

She went down on me, and I wrapped a leg around her.  I used my leg to set her pace, force her down, making her take my cock into her throat.  It wasn't long before I came into her throat.  I laid next to her again for a bit, caressing her soft skin..  

BDSM Info 1: Minimizing risks with choking and asphyxiation

My slave and I engage in some risky behavior.  There is no doubt that asphyxiation and choking are risky, and there is no 100% safe way to do them.  However, there are ways to minimize the risk.

Make no mistake: this play is dangerous and should never be taken lightly, if you're going to engage in it.  Cutting off oxygen for too long can be lethal.  Done carelessly, it could lead to heart attacks, brain damage, seizures, and other conditions.  

So why do we do it?  It gives us both intense sexual pleasure.  I've been doing it for two decades now, and I have not caused any injuries or death--but I still proceed with great caution.

First, let's define what I mean by asphyxiation and choking.

Asphyxiation: Deprivation of air.  

Choking: Applying pressure to the neck

Choking risks and safety

Let's begin with choking:  Choking is risky because you can do damage to the trachea (windpipe), the esophagus (the path from your mouth to your stomach), the jugular vein, which carries blood back to your heart from the brain, or the carotid artery, which carries blood to the brain.  Some methods of choking may also cause damage to the spine.

Here's what you should avoid in relation to choking:

• Never apply direct pressure to the front of the neck.  Even if you are applying pressure to the sides, you might find your thumbs pressing into the neck.  You can crush the larynx, which will cut off the airway, or you could damage the hyoid bone. 
• Avoid sudden impacts.  Some people are into hanging.  Use extreme caution.  Never do it alone, and never let yourself fall for any distance.  Gravity matters.  You could break your neck or do all sorts of damage.  
• Remember that there are a lot of nerves in the neck, some of which will knock a person unconscious.  Some of them lead to the rest of the body.  Damaging them or pinching them will cause pain or numbness. 
• Focusing pressure on the neck may cause bruising and other damage.  Marks on the neck are going to be visible.  Spread the pressure evenly to avoid marks and minimize risk of damage.   

Best practices:

• Use something wide if you are wrapping it around the entire neck to distribute pressure evenly
• If you are using the hands, be mindful of the pressure you applying with your fingertips and your thumbs.  Keep the pressure even across your palms and fingers.
• Start gently, applying pressure slowly and firmly. 
• Since choking leads to unconsciousness, make sure that the person being choked has a grip on you or has the ability to raise the head or arms, so when they begin to fall, you know to stop.  
• Watch for reactions.  When the reactions slow, you need to stop.  

Asphyxiation risks and safety

My slave and I engage in asphyxiation play more than choking.  Asphyxiation is also known as hypoxyphilia, asphxiophilia, sexual asphyxia, or breath play.  We use plastic shrink wrap (found in rolls in the moving supplies section in your do-it-yourself stores), my hand over her mouth and nose, a heavy memory foam pillow, and sometimes my own flesh.  I press her face against my chest, my thighs, my belly; I also have engaged in sitting on her face, resting my scrotum over her mouth and nose.  It's large enough to cover her face.  

Breath play can also include suffocation by applying one's body weight such a way that the lungs have difficulty expanding and the diaphragm's expansion and contraction is restricted.   Laying on your partner's body can do this.  Tight corsets restrict the action of the respiratory system, as well (which is why women used to faint when they wore them).  Covering the face with cloth (e.g., putting a shirt over the face instead of taking it all the way off, wrapping a scarf around the head, etc.) will restrict airflow somewhat.  Gags and taping over the mouth also work.  We do not do gags because of my slave's TMJ (jaw problem), but we still use tape over her mouth.

Whatever method you use, you have to take the following into consideration:

• Time is a huge factor.  Four minutes without oxygen will cause brain damage for certain, if not brain death.  Cardiac arrest is also a huge risk with low blood oxygen levels.  
• Lack of oxygen can cause unconsciousness, which means the submissive cannot tap out or say her/his safe word.  This is dangerous for all kinds of reasons, but there's also the consideration of consent--if your sub is incapable of consent, you should stop playing immediately.  That aside, your sub cannot alert you of any medical/psychological concerns.  Panic will usually set in before unconsciousness will, but if your sub is particularly good at fighting the panic response, look for slowing of reactions/weaker responses. 
• If you block the mouth, pay special attention to the nose.  The nose can become congested, especially if the submissive ends up crying during play.  
• Under no circumstances should you leave a sub who cannot breathe unattended, but you should also not leave a sub who has any airway restricted unattended,as well.  
• Allow the submissive to catch her/his breath before cutting off the airways again.  This allows the blood oxygen level to normalize, which minimizes the risk of heart attack and brain damage.
• It is essential for the submissive to know that tapping out is acceptable, but you are ultimately responsible for her/his safety.  

Jay Wiseman, author of SM 101, says that there is no safe way to do breath play.  While that may be true, one may as well say that there is no safe way to swim underwater. The risk is the same, as long as you take it seriously, don't deprive your sub of oxygen for long, and let the submissive catch her/his breath between the times you cut it off.  Research on people who hold their breath frequently for long periods, as indicated in this article, has yielded mixed results, but, as the article also says, free divers have neurological responses that fall within the average range, and they hold their breath longer than it takes for most submissives to panic.  Panic usually sets in from fifteen seconds to forty-five, in my experience, with few exceptions.