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Wednesday, December 24, 2014

BDSM Fiction 1: The Ceremony

The slave told her family she eloped; her new husband and she were off on her honeymoon.

It was a necessary lie.  What she was doing was far more important, far deeper and dearer to her than having family she barely knew and friends who didn't know the real her come to an expensive party with meaningless rituals.  No, her Master had more exciting plans, and her family could never know.

Slave girls readied her for the ceremony, weaving several silver chains in her hair, rubbing scented lotion all over her naked flesh, attaching the leash to her metal collar.

When they had her prepared, they presented her to the man who was to walk her down the aisle, a known and respected member of the BDSM community.  "Are you ready for your Master, slave?" he asked.

She nodded solemnly, eyes downcast, humble as a good slave should be.

"Crawl to your master," he said, and she obeyed, handing him the leash and dropping slowly to her hands and knees.  Slowly, sensually, she crawled along the aisle, watched by people who knew her for who she was, understood her desires, understood the fulfillment absolute obedience and commitment to a master gave to her.  The rules, the structure, the discipline, the aftercare...they knew.  They were more a part of her world than any family she had, and she was unashamed to be so vulnerable and on display in front of them.

She kept her eyes just ahead of her on the floor, but from a distance, her Master stood in her field of vision.  She suppressed a smile, but the sight of him, the memory of her time with him filled her with excitement and longing.  As she neared, she bowed her head in respect, waiting for the leash to go into his hand.  When it did, she did as they rehearsed: she got on her knees, sat back on her feet, and kept her head bowed as he stood next to her, facing the officiant.

"Masters and Mistresses, Doms and Dommes, slaves and submissives, and those in between," began the officiant, "we come together today to witness this woman give herself to this man completely.  From this day until they have no more breath in them, he will remain her Master.

"Sir, do you promise to be her Master, to take full responsibility for enforcing the rules you have agreed upon, honoring her hard limits, caring for her safety and emotional well-being, and treating her as your valued property until your death or hers?"

"I do," the Master replied.

"Slave, do you promise to love, honor, obey, and worship your master, respecting him at all times in all places, and deferring to him in all decisions, except those he allows you to make?"

"I do," the slave responded, head still bowed.

"By the power vested in my by the state, I know pronounce you husband and wife, Master and slave.  You may do with her as you will."

Her Master led her down the aisle, crawling as she did before, all eyes on her naked body.  As vulnerable and exposed as she was, she never felt more secure.

Tuesday, December 2, 2014

Dim Doms

My intention with this article is to help dim doms recognize their problem in order to correct it, either by removing themselves from the BDSM community, or by modifying their behavior and becoming assets to the community.  

What is a dim dom?  It's a difficult label to define, but some examples of behavior might give us a clue:

  • Domination by default: If you expect obedience and submission from everyone you meet, you're a dim dom. You are not dominant just because you say so; you're dominant because you are able to get someone to want to submit to you.  If you can't get anyone to submit to you, then you need to do research, get a mentor, read a book, take a class--you are the problem, and you need to change, not the subs who aren't into you. 
  • Fiction is your guide: If you treat scenes as reenactments of porn, or worse, if you use Twilight fan fiction or bad science fiction as your BDSM guide, you are a dim dom.  You can play by any set of rules you like, but fiction doesn't teach you about risks, precautions, best practices, or techniques.  
  • Consent is optional:  If you think consent is optional, if you don't believe in safe words, if it's more of a turn-on if you don't get consent, you're not only a dim dom, you're dangerous.  You shouldn't be anywhere near a BDSM partner. 
  • One-trick ponies:  If you approach every submissive in the same way, you're a dim dom.  It's okay to have preferences, but not everyone you find is going to be into everything you want.  Compromise is key, because consent is key.  If you absolutely have to have something that is a hard limit for a sub, then you have to move on or have an open or poly relationship--and that has to be okay with your partner, as well.  Rules have to be tempered by reason, and you can't force everyone into your mold. 
  • No subtlety:  If you believe domination is all about aggression and a harsh tone of voice, you're a dim dom.  It's also about seduction, persuasion, mental preparation, rules, responsibility, guidance, and subtlety.  It's about creativity, knowledge, and skill.  It's far more than pushing someone around whom you perceive to be weaker. 
  • No confidence:  So you want to dominate, but when you get a submissive to be with you, you constantly check on her, making sure she's okay every five seconds, ruining the mood.  Yes, you want to make sure your submissive is handling what you're giving her/him, but you can do it in ways that incorporate it into your play.  Safe words are there to stop play (as long as you honor them).  You can take it slowly at first, going light to heavy with anything painful or uncomfortable.  You can smack that ass, then rub it, taking time to note the reaction.  You can have the sub count to see how steady the voice remains.  Asking, "Are you okay?  Are you going to panic?" every five minutes is going to make your sub think you're unsure of yourself, which you definitely are.  
  • No creativity:  You get all of your scene ideas from other people, fiction (see above), or your sub, and you have no real ideas of your own.  If you can't come up with anything of your own, you are a dim dom.  
  • Cult BDSM:  If you have adopted someone else's rules and consider them unchangeable, you're not only a dim dom, but you're also a cult member.  
  • The almighty penis:  If you think a picture of your cock is enough to get someone to submit to you, you are a dim dom.  If you think your penis gives you the right to be dominant, you are a dim dom.  That's true the other way around--if you think your vagina gives you all the power, you're not very bright, either.  BDSM isn't the vanilla world; your penis or vagina might not be as important as your tone of voice, your air of confidence, your skill at mixing pain with pleasure, your ability to make rules and enforce them, your capacity for nurture, your ability to seduce someone into obedience and worship.  Your genitalia are less important to the BDSM community than your mind.  

I'm certain this list will grow, but the reader should have an idea now.  Do you have contributions to the dim dom list?  Comments are welcome.