JT Stockroom

Wednesday, April 30, 2014

The Benefits of Edging from a BDSM Perspective

If you're looking for reactions from your slave, like I am, you understand the benefits of an intense orgasm.  There are many ways to achieve intense orgasm: choosing favorite play, cutting off breath during orgasm, introducing intense sensations, introducing fear/threats...but one that can be used by most people, regardless of kink, is edging.

Edging involves taking a person (or yourself) to the brink of orgasm, then stopping.  You then wait for a little bit, bring the person to the edge again, then stop.  You repeat this technique as many times as you like, then you let the person (or yourself) orgasm.  The result is a climax with more intensity and a much more pronounced reaction.

The way my slave and I play with edging involves her asking for permission: "Master, may I cum?"   It turns her on when I deny her, and sometimes, I deny her while still stimulating her, which drives her wild.  I do test her sometimes, denying her till she has to use her safe phrase, or else cum without permission.  Usually, however, I will simply stop, then start again, then stop, then continue, until eventually, I decide she's had enough, and I let her have her pleasure--and mine.  She's so sensitive, and every touch makes her writhe and moan.  The reactions are intoxicating to me.

I should add further that edging almost assures a squirting orgasm with my slave.  To add on to that, she also orgasms on a hair trigger at that point; each orgasm comes more quickly, and each successive one brings more sensitivity, until there is eventually pain.  She will say her safe phrase at that point, and we will move on to something else--like fucking her sensitive pussy, which is often sore at that point, because between the times I was bringing her to the edge of orgasm, I was smacking or flogging her pussy.

One other way that I will use edging is to break the monotony of complicated ties--though she finds the ties more relaxing while I'm doing them than monotonous.  I don't find them monotonous, either, really, but I like to bring her to the edge over and over, because often, while I have her tied, I will penetrate her or go down on her.  I enjoy it when she's extra-sensitive.  She'll often squirt while I'm fucking her and cutting off her breath if I've edged her first.

A few more notes on why I enjoy edging: first, she's sexy when she begs.  I find it incredibly hot to look into her pleading eyes, watching those sexy lips as she sounds out the words, almost breathlessly.  Secondly, I get great pleasure as a sadist telling her: "No, not right now, but you can keep begging," "Not yet," "Maybe," or "When I want you to," as well as hearing her ask permission in the first place.  Finally, after the first time I bring her to the edge, each time I start up again elicits incredibly sexy gasps and moans.

I strongly recommend edging for anyone who wants to intensify orgasms and have power over how your submissive/slave has them.  It's brought us incredible pleasure.




Saturday, April 26, 2014

Kinks and what they say about the people who have them

I'm going to reveal straight off that I intentionally made the title of this article misleading.  There are no judgments you can make about a person based on their kinks, really.  Even certain kinks that should fit a sadist, a masochist, a dominant, or a submissive can only be indicators of tolerance of those kinks, not that they fit the roles.  I've met dominant women (I have never flirted with dominant men, so I wouldn't know the other way) who only took on the role to live vicariously through the submissive men and/or women they dominate, simply because they couldn't find men to dominate them.  By no stretch of the imagination am I saying that there are no truly dominant women; I'm just saying that some people do things they might not enjoy completely to be part of a something they do enjoy--like BDSM, or simple human contact.

You can't know if that submissive with very few hard limits and a completely obsequious nature is a business executive or a janitor, by profession.  You can't know if that sadistic dominant is a laid back office professional.  There's really no behavior I can link to a kink, from my experience.  Admittedly, I haven't done a study on people to link other roles in life to kinks people have, but I'm not sure that line of questioning would lead anywhere, anyway.

What I can say comes from the other direction: you cannot know what sort of kinks someone enjoys until you find out for sure.  That nice girl next door might be into BDSM gangbangs.  That teacher might be into suspension bondage.  That high-powered executive might visit a dominatrix on a regular basis.  That successful professional or self-employed individual might be into pegging.  There's nothing you can know from the surface; you have to communicate with people to find out what kinks they enjoy.  Hell, that flirty, dirty woman in the bar might be into totally vanilla sex.  You never know until you ask and explore.

There's even some debate over what's considered kinky, for that matter.  Some people think anal sex is kinky, where my slave and I consider it part of the vanilla range.  Most people would agree that bondage is kinky, though light bondage and a little spanking seems like more "edgy" vanilla than pure kink to someone like me.  Domination and submission represent kink.  Sadism and masochism.  Sexual slavery.  Inserting objects.  Using certain devices.   There's a wide variety of kinks; it's one of those things where it's difficult to define, but people know it when they see it.

Kink should be distinguished here from fetishes.  Where kink represents something that is outside of vanilla sex, fetishes are things that people can't live without, sexually speaking, or need in order to be turned on...or things that just turn a people on to an unusual degree.  Can kinks be fetishes?  Certainly.  But not all fetishes are kinky, really.  I don't find anything kinky at all about looking at pretty feet, but some people have a fetish for looking at them.  I feel the same way about panties, blow jobs, and other fixations that aren't outside of the realm of vanilla.  I guess I might be confusing "vanilla" with "mild" or "harmless" here; that's possible, but a fixation on something isn't much of a basis for a lifestyle on its own...and I suppose that's important to my definition of kink. If you want to look at feet, it's not terribly kinky, but if you want to be trampled, forced to suck on toes or take a foot in an orifice, have a foot on your head as someone talks dirty to you, that's all kinky.  You can get creative with fixations, and that's where kink might be born--fixations combined with creativity.






Thursday, April 24, 2014

Mistakes Dominants Make

Everyone makes mistakes.  No matter how deserving you may think your dominant is of your respect, or even worship, that person is still a human being, and that means making mistakes.  I can't speak for all dominants, but I can speak for myself, and speculate on mistakes others might make.  I can also talk about things I've observed.  This list won't be comprehensive, but hopefully, it will get people thinking about the mistakes they make themselves.


The first mistake that stands out in my mind comes from experience: it is possible to introduce too many sensations into a single session, especially with a new submissive.  I played for over a decade, then went without for a bit, had a disappointing session with a submissive who lied about being a masochist, then ended up with another submissive,  whom I carefully screened before seeing.  She was able to take some of the stuff I did to her, but I tried to do too much, too fast.  That's not how I normally played; I would take my time, doing a couple things per session...but this time, I just tried to shove everything into a night.  She just got overloaded and didn't really enjoy herself as a result.  To be fair to myself, I was going through a lot of stress, and I wanted to unload it all at once.  I wasn't ready to be with anyone.  I won't go into all of the reasons, but I really shouldn't have tried at that point in my life.


The aforementioned disappointing session leads to a second mistake I made and other dominants (and submissives, for that matter) make: I did not screen that submissive well.  Sure, she said she was a masochist, she said she had done several things, but when we met and started playing, and she said her safe word during warm-up spankings, I knew she lied.  She admitted later she lied; she liked the idea of all of the things we were discussing, but did not actually have experience with any of it.  So...the way I rectified that mistake was to treat the screening of submissives like a behavioral interview.  Make certain that the candidate gives specific, real-life examples of experiences.  It's much easier to filter out people who are new and pretending to be experienced (there's nothing wrong with new and honest) from the experienced people.

Yet another error dominants make involves a mindset that views all submissives as the same.  They seem to believe that the same sensations, same methods of seduction, same protocol, same everything works for all submissives everywhere.  It's also possible that they're stuck in a mode of thinking and aren't creative enough to come up with new ways to approach different submissives, but in any case, they're wrong to approach every woman the same and expect success.  If they're looking for a certain type of submissive with their approach and can accept rejection, I suppose that's acceptable, but they're always scratching their heads, wondering why they aren't getting anywhere.

A tragic mistake I've heard a couple of dominants make involved leaving their submissives tied up with only their noses to breathe through.  They each left for long stretches, then came back to find their submissives dead from asphyxiation.  Now, asphyxiation can happen in several ways with several ties and positions that are unsafe with an unattended sub (I have a personal policy of only leaving my slave unattended if she can breathe freely and can, if need be, get out of her restraints--the rule of thumb is to never leave my slave unattended!), but leaving only the nose as the breathing orifice is simply dangerous.  Allergies, crying, the beginnings of a cold--all may lead to congested nasal passages, and if that's the only way the sub can breathe, that sub will die.

Finally, before I list items that shouldn't need explanation, I'd like to touch on relationships.  If you're in a BDSM relationship as a dominant, you should be careful not to focus completely on the BDSM part of it.  It might shape most interactions you have with your submissive, but it's easy to get tunnel vision and ignore the other emotional needs of your sub and you.  Friends and family are important.  Exposure to the outside world is important.  Financial matters need attention.  Kink is intoxicating; mundane matters aren't, but some of those mundane matters my become major crises if they're ignored.  Give yourself time for the little things, before they become big things.

Here's a list of mistakes that dominants make that should need little elaboration (some of these are common sense, or should be):

  • Thinking all submissives should be submissive to them automatically
  • Hitting parts of the body where bones are close to the skin surface or vital organs might be damaged (some implements only have surface impact, but others can be very dangerous)
  • Making restraints so tight, they cut off the circulation
  • Being too close while flogging, whipping, or using a belt--it's easy to hit yourself and harder to aim.  Also, positioning is important.  Hitting your shin with a studded belt on the follow-through hurts like hell. 
  • Not providing aftercare.  Aftercare is incredibly important for the emotional well-being of the submissive, and, I would argue, the well-being of the dominant, as well.  
  • Not separating fantasy from reality.  Not all fantasies are safe or sane in the real world, even if they are consensual--and you wouldn't believe what kinds of things people will give consent for you to do. 

I may come back to this list and make additions as I think of them, but I'd love your thoughts and stories. 

BDSM Play 9: Grab bag night with knife play

Last night, I decided to do a "grab bag night".  I had my slave pleasure me orally, licking my cock, my balls, my taint, and finally sucking my cock.  While she did that, I grabbed random items out of the bag where we keep our toys.  When I considered myself done, I had black bondage tape, leg harnesses and the chest harness to which they attach, a pretty black collar with white lace, a chain leash, the survival knife, a few lengths of black rope, the riding crop, and one of the belts--the one with metal snaps all along it, and the bondage mittens.

After she took my load in her mouth and swallowed, I pulled her by the wrists forcefully toward me, grabbed one bondage mitten, and, while she resisted, put it onto one of her hands.  I closed the strap, put the lock in place, and one hand was secure.  I made quick work of the other hand as well, even though she did a better job of resisting that one.  After the bondage mittens were on, she submitted completely.  I wrapped the black bondage tape around her lower legs, from ankle to knee.  Then I grabbed the chest harness and put it on, followed by the leg harnesses...but I didn't hook the legs to the chest; I hooked the bondage mittens to the legs instead.  It would make it more difficult for her to resist me cutting off her breath later.

I grabbed the crop, and, holding her legs up in the air, began to hit her ass and pussy with it mercilessly.  With stroke after stroke, her ass and pussy reddened, and her moans and cries came more frequently and loudly.  She finally said, "Master, I'm weak."  I put the crop down.

I grabbed the belt, and I said to her, "You're weak for the crop, but are you weak for this?"

"No, Master."

So I swung the belt, again and again, hitting her already-red ass and getting more moans and cries from her as I did.  I finally got the safe phrase: "Master, I'm weak."

I laid down the belt, took a length of rope, tied her ankles to the chest harness to keep her legs up, then put the collar and leash on her, just for aesthetics.  I then took the survival knife from its sheath and began to caress the flesh below the collar, then her face, then her breasts....

"You know, I've had fantasies involving knives.  Bloody fantasies.  Fantasies where I make cuts, " as I gestured with the knife vertically, horizontally, and diagonally, over her left nipple, "here, here, here, and here, then I peel back the sections, sew them to the breast, and put a metal tack in the middle to make a flower out of the nipple.  Does it scare you that I have had fantasies like that?"

"No, Master."

"Do you trust me with this knife on your flesh?"

"Yes, Master, I do."

"Does it turn you on that I have the power to disfigure you, dismember you, or end your life in my hands?"

"Yes, Master."

"I have used a knife in this way before, caressing the flesh of a woman, but never used it to cut.  To cut, I used razor blades and a scalpel.  I would make an incision horizontally across the breast, then I would suck the blood from the cut, lick it, swab it with alcohol, then close it with liquid skin, which I like to call 'liquid fire', because it burns so much.  The reactions were intoxicating," I said, as I caressed her left cheek with the knife.

"That's hot.  I mean...I am not into blood, but that's hot."  Blood is a hard limit...but playing with the knife really turns her on.  The metal against her flesh, the power, the danger...it all makes her so wet.

I moved down to her pussy with the knife, placed the dull side of the blade next to her clit while keeping her labia spread, then pushed her clit against the steel and began to rub the clit against it.  It wasn't long before I heard, "Master, may I cum?"

"You may, little whore."

She didn't just cum; she squirted.  She didn't just squirt; she gushed.  Her fluid ran around her thighs, down to her asshole, underneath her.  There was a growing wet spot on the bed.  I wanted to enter her.  But first...breath play.

I grabbed the heavy pillow from the bed and shoved it down over her face, resting my head on it, relishing her cries, pleas, and screaming.  She loves and fears the pillow; it makes her panic like nothing else--with the possible exception of the shrink wrap over her face.  She made her three short noises to indicate she couldn't take anymore, and I removed the pillow, enjoying the look in her eyes as she caught her breath.  I let her breathe normally for awhile, then I put my hand over her mouth and nose, enjoying watching her struggle in vain against the restraints.

Then I entered her.  I fucked her sore pussy and continued to cut off her breath while I thrust, fucking her harder each time.  Then I grabbed the knife again, and held it against her throat while I thrust.  I flipped to the dull side and held that against her neck, but did not let her see the flip.  As the steel pressed into her neck, she became more and more wet, soaking herself, me, and the bed.  She came again.  I fucked her until I was satisfied, then rolled off of her and untied her.

"Master, I think that's the wettest I've ever been," she said softly.

"Maybe.  You get pretty wet when I wrestle you, and when I use the shrink wrap.  And there was the night I fisted you..."

"You could have gotten your whole fist in tonight, as wet as I was."

We made fisting a hard limit after last time; my hand is too big, and it tore her a little.  There was blood, and she was really sore for a few days.  Four fingers to get her sore inside will do, but the whole hand?  Too much.  Anyway, we don't need fisting for a good time.

A knife, on the other hand...

Monday, April 21, 2014

Cult-like BDSM

I've been asked why I am not fond of Goreans, or to put it bluntly, why I hate Goreans so much.  And it's not Gor that I hate, to be clear; it's Goreans, or, at least, Goreans who feel it's necessary to push their fantasies and lifestyle on other people.

You'll notice when I post, I'm pretty careful to say "should" when I give my views on how to play.  My way might not be your way, and that's valid, as long as you remain safe and sane, and your partner(s) consent.  I am only giving advice and views from my experience.  There are some objective points about which I may be adamant, but I don't think forcing the way I live my BDSM lifestyle onto other people is valid.  Take everything as a suggestion, not a rule.  Rules are for my slave; she's the only one who has to follow the rules I've set down for her.

Having said what I've said so far, here is the first reason why I find Goreans annoying:


  • They like to push their lifestyle on people who know nothing about it and don't care to play the way they do.  I have learned more about Gor and Gorean life than I ever cared to know.  Most of it came through Yahoo chat years ago.  I even talked with and met a Gorean, but she hid from me that she wanted that lifestyle, and lied to me about plenty of other things.  That interaction has little to do with why I hate Goreans; the point is that I learned a lot about it from her and interactions with people in chat rooms we frequented.  In any case, the Gorean "Masters" (I will get to why I put that title in quotes in a bit) expect submission from all females who declare themselves submissive, whether they agree to it or not.  To me, submission is something a dominant earns by seducing a person into it; it's not automatic, and my submissive should not have to submit to anyone else but me.  If you're expecting submission from my slave, you're going to have a bad time.
  • The "Masters" think they deserve the title by virtue of their penises.  There are apparently dominant female Goreans and submissive Gorean men, but I've never met a single one of either, and my understanding of the sci-fi is that it's highly patriarchal.  In any case, the reason I put quotes around "Masters" when referring to them is that the majority are attracted to Gor simply because it's patriarchal, and they don't think they have to do any work to get a slave.  I have seen Goreans play-fighting each other in chat, using things that don't exist...which is great for fiction, but how do you live that lifestyle?  You can't.
  • The slaves (kajira) have to bring all of the creativity.  In all of the interactions I've had with Goreans, I've only ever seen the women create elaborate scenarios...although that's actually rare.  Most of the time, they're talking about dancing in costume for one "Master" or another.  My understanding is that there are different levels of slaves, but "kajira" is the one I hear the most.  I don't really care.  I do think it's odd and shameful that the men don't have to do anything (seemingly), given the effort that domination takes when living the lifestyle for real.  And that brings me to the next point:
  • Most Goreans I've met only live their lifestyles online.  Yes, it's fantasy based on fiction, but if you're going to say you live a Gorean lifestyle, you have to come to reality at some point.  All of the fantasy I've seen played out in chat simply couldn't happen in the real world.  Of course, it's true of a lot of other fantasy I've seen online, but most of the other people who are unrealistic don't push their fiction onto others as the "true" way.
  • Goreans expect people to know their protocol.  I got to the point where if I read "Tal" again in chat, I was going to scream.  Not really.  It was just annoying at a certain point, but I learned to ignore the people who used that greeting.  There were other bits of protocol they used in talking and interacting with each other they expected me to know, and I had to explain ad nauseum that their fantasies were their own, and not everyone cares to live the way they do.  
  • The Gorean lifestyle is too much like a religion for my taste.  Goreans aren't the only ones guilty of it, but they stand out as cult-like, and I want no part in arbitrary, pre-written rules that are pushed as the "true" way people are supposed to live.  I think rules should be negotiated between Master and slave, Dominant and submissive, Sadist and masochist, switch and partner.  I don't like cookie-cutter approaches to relationships, because relationships aren't one-size-fits-all--especially cult-like cookie cutters.
I'm sure I could come up with other points, but those are the ones that stand out in my memory.  I have steered clear of Goreans for several years now, and I have no plans in involving myself in their interactions again.  


Sunday, April 20, 2014

Punishment

If a dominant is to enforce rules, he must provide consequences for when his submissive breaks them.  Many people think simply of corporal punishment when they think about consequences for breaking rules in a BDSM relationship, but there are several strategies a dominant can use for punishment.  It does not always have to involve pain, and sometimes pain can be completely inappropriate for certain submissives.  Whatever the case, consequences should follow certain basic premises:

  • Punishments should still honor hard limits.  They may push soft limits, but hard limits are full stops, and always should be.  While any consequences should fall outside of a sub's comfort zone, they should not include hard limits--the punishment will seem unfair and create resentment.  Think of hard limits as conditions of the relationship; they are things you both agreed you would never do, so if you do them, you've broken that agreement, and nullified the relationship.  
  • Punishments should fit the severity of the offense.  This guideline should be common sense; unfair punishments will challenge a submissive's sense of justice, and will eventually foster disloyalty.  
  • Punishments should fit the character of the submissive.  A masochist will not have the same punishment as a little, for example.  
  • Punishments may push soft limits, but should remain safe, sane, and consensual.  Safe and sane should be straightforward, but if a submissive will not consent to punishment, then there should be talk about the status of the relationship and whether it can continue.  
The consequences of rule-breaking can take many forms.  Here are some examples:

  • Corporal punishment:  This method involves inflicting pain as the consequence of breaking rules.  It may include anything outside of the submissive's hard limits, from spanking to whipping, caning to flogging--any pain, to the level appropriate to the severity of the indiscretion. 
  • Uncomfortable positions:  This method is almost a subset of corporal punishment, because the discomfort itself may become painful, but not necessarily.  It may include restraints that restrict movement and keep the submissive from getting comfortable, imprisonment in a small cage or one that requires standing, or standing in the corner with her nose against the wall and hands behind her back.  
  • Isolation from the dominant:  Some submissives consider having to stay away from the dominant the worst form of punishment.  With this method, you can have the submissive sleep on the floor or at your feet at night, stay in a cage or closet, or stand/kneel/sit in the corner quietly.  
  • Tasks: With this method, the submissive must write an essay, do research, or do some kind of labor she wouldn't do normally.  The preference for labor would be something meaningless, possibly something that can be reset and done over again.  
  • Humiliation:  Anything that makes the submissive feel ashamed, in public or private (within hard limits) will suffice.  It could be taking a picture of her holding a degrading sign; walking in public without makeup, hair done, in revealing or shabby clothing; cumming on her face and catching it on camera...there are lots of ways to humiliate and degrade a submissive.  Of course, if she's into that sort of thing, it might not be punishment at all--just as pain might not be appropriate for a masochist. 
I tend to give my slave choices of punishments...and sometimes an opportunity to do something special for me instead.  I usually reserve the special favor for minor rule-breaking, such as forgetting to shave her legs or neglecting to show me gratitude for giving her the pain she enjoys (and the reactions I want from that pain).  Often, I will use her breasts, especially her nipples, as a point where I inflict the pain of punishment, because it's not a hard limit, and it's a very sensitive area for her.  

It perhaps should be noted that not all BDSM relationships require punishment.  Not everyone operates under strict rules and protocol.  For those who do not, disagreements may be settled the way any couple might settle disagreements.  However, for those who do enjoy playing with rules and protocol, it is necessary to establish rules.  Punishments may remain undefined to allow for creativity, as long as they remain fair and within the hard limits defined, but rules should be defined clearly.  Declaring that a sub has broken a rule that hasn't been previously defined can make a sub paranoid and anxious, and that falls under the notion of abuse.  

Thursday, April 17, 2014

Checking in with your submissive and safe words for dominants?

I've been active in the BDSM lifestyle in one capacity or another for nearly two decades, with interest starting much earlier.  I would have thought, due to my interaction with others in the community, that I would have heard about dominants giving other dominants advice regarding "checking in" with one's sub when inflicting pain or having safe words for the dominant, but I've only recently heard this advice.

I'm here to tell you that the advice sucks, at least how it's been presented to me.

Two things important in domination, in my experience, are continuity of play and consistency of mood.  There are many other qualities a dominant must have, but these two things in particular die quickly when a dominant frequently stops play to ask, "Are you okay?  Did that hurt?  Are you going to have a panic attack?"  I've heard of people actually playing this way, and--no surprise at all--the subs have been thoroughly disappointed.  It makes for awkward, boring, unsatisfying play, and it makes the dominant appear inexperienced and foolish.

If that's the advice mentors are giving out there, they need to stop, and they need to stop now, for the sake of the lifestyle and the sake of submissives' fulfillment.  It makes them look like they lack confidence, and that will kill any intimate human interaction.  Confidence is a huge turn-on for submissives with dominants, and when you look timid, you will both have a bad time.

Here's my advice for when you're playing with a new sub:


  • Communicate.  Find out your new/potential partner's soft and hard limits, and ask specific questions about experience.  I've said this much in a previous article, but it bears repeating here: treat it like a behavioral interview, and look specifically for real-life examples of the experience the person claims.  This really goes for both submissives and dominants, not just dominants looking for submissives.  
  • Start light.  I've been able to gauge the women I've been with pretty well, unless they've lied about their experiences, but I always do some warm-up strokes, whether it's with my bare hand or with an implement.  Usually, I will warm a sub up with my bare hand.  If I get the safe phrase out of her off of warm-up strokes, I know she's not into pain as much as she's said or as much as she thought, and we need to move on to other things.  
  • Don't break continuity or mood.  There is nothing wrong with rubbing the body part you've just spanked, caned, whipped, flogged, or bitten, giving the submissive time to register the pain, regain composure, and steel herself/himself for the next blow.  This method is better than a verbal prompt, because a verbal prompt not only requires a break in continuity and mood, but it also implies that the submissive has a clear choice to stop, taking away part of the thrill of play.  Submissives always have the choice to say a safe word (or should, if you're not a psychopathic dominant), but the illusion of not having a choice or having to plead to put a stop to the torment is a huge turn-on for most subs.  Unless the submissive is clearly in distress, there's no reason to stop play to ask her flat out if she's okay.
  • Display confidence at all times.  Having at least a rough idea of how your scene is going to go will help with confidence, but whatever you have to do, maintain that impression that you have it.  You really should if you want to dominate, anyway; lack of confidence sticks out like a sore thumb in the bedroom or the dungeon.  Don't be timid.  Approach your play with confidence.  She's not going to break, unless you're hitting her in a spot where you can damage vital organs or you're hitting her with something that can do massive tissue damage or break bones.  

The worst sessions I've heard about involved dominants--would be male Doms, specifically--who constantly asked, "Are you all right?"  Unless you've pushed a non-masochist into the role of a masochist, you really shouldn't have to ask this question.  Submission does not have to be all about sadomasochism.  It happens to be my favorite type of play, but it's not for everyone.  Also, if you're involving discipline as part of your rule enforcement or play, and your submissive is not a masochist, you should take it somewhat easy.  The simple act of recognizing that a rule has been broken is often punishment on its own for one who is submissive by nature.  The submissive wants to please the dominant; knowing that displeasure has been the result of one's actions should fill the submissive with guilt and shame, if the dominant is worthy of this person's submission and respect.  The discipline is a formal way of driving home that the dominant has been displeased.  It needn't be harsh for a non-masochist.  It only needs to be enough.

The next tip I've heard mentioned recently--but not early on in my activities in the lifestyle--is this notion that dominants need to have safe words for themselves.  The most solid argument I've heard for having a safe word is to bring a sub out of sub-space, to let her/him know that play has to be over, because for whatever reason, the dominant has had enough--medical concern, entering into dark territory he/she doesn't want to face...

But I don't see the point.  You're the dominant.  You're in control of the play.  You can stop it at anytime, no special words or phrases needed.  Do you really think a submissive is going to remain permanently in sub-space if you stop what you're doing?  It's a ludicrous notion.  Stop play and express your concerns.  If your submissive is in an altered state of mind, ease your sub out of it.  Untie her/him, caress, hold...in other words start aftercare.  This notion that you have to have a special phrase to stop play as a dominant is utterly alien and ridiculous to me.  Several attempts have been made to explain it, and no one seems to be able to provide specific, legitimate examples of where safe words for dominants would be necessary.  It's been vague statements like, "You have to expect the unexpected," and it's been driving me nuts.  

Whatever I've said here, play how you feel comfortable playing, but experience tells me that you don't need to stop play verbally in the vast majority of cases, if not all.  That's why the sub has a safe word.  You don't need one, and you don't need to keep asking about the sub's well-being during play.  That's what aftercare is for--reassuring the sub and making she he/she is okay.  

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Being A Better Dominant

There are so many ways to play, and this post isn't about telling you how. In this post, I am going to attempt to give tips on how to be a better Dominant without sounding like I'm arrogant (i.e., better than you). We have capable Dominants out there in the world, and I'm not saying that I'm the prime on among us. However, I think there are some general things on which we may all agree that can help those who are newer to the lifestyle. 
The first thing you must understand about being Dominant is that you must be good at communication. You have to know how to ask questions, how to listen, how to persuade, how to seduce with words and actions. You have to learn body language and breathing patterns. You have to be a consultant, and the mark of a good consultant involves not only listening, but also anticipating needs and desires. It means knowing the world of kink and understanding that if the sub likes x, he or she may also like y. There's so much to communication, it could be its own post.
The second thing that makes a Dominant better is creativity. Variety is at the heart of kink, it seems, and keeping things fresh and interesting takes thought and effort. If you're not willing or able to put creative thought toward your play, you probably won't have the best time. I also assert that the best times come when the effort doesn't feel like effort at all.
Thirdly, my experience has taught me that rules and structure matter. Play however you want, but for the most part, your sub wants to know where he or she stands, and what constitutes a broken rule and proper behavior. You don't have to be as rigid as some are with rules, but establishing boundaries and rules help keep a sub comfortable. A sub who doesn't know the rules will be constantly on edge and stressed. While keeping a sub guessing, on edge, and stressed might appeal to a psychological sadist or even certain masochists, it really can cross the line into abuse easily, and should be avoided in the majority of cases. I improvised and played it by ear very early on, and I found subs simply couldn't take it. Trust was difficult to maintain.
The mention of trust brings me to the next thing: establishing trust itself. These items are in no particular order of importance, because they are all important, but trust is huge in a BDSM relationship. Trust comes from confidence, honesty, reassurance, and loyalty. Mean what you say and follow through on it. Be confident with your words and in application of your skill, or it will show. Reassure your sub with aftercare and by sticking to established rules, not to mention strict adherence to safe words/phrases. Never ignore a safe word. Stay loyal--you don't have to be in a monogamous relationship, but if you are in a poly situation, you must be open about who you're with and where each person stands.
This list keeps growing...and it needs to, because so much goes into domination.
Yet another thing a dominant needs is education. Safety education and skill development represent key elements to enjoyable play. Early on, I went completely on what made sense to me and took cues from my masochist. My first masochist didn't really care about her safety, though--and that's never good. I'm glad I had the sense and control to keep myself from sending her to the ER or ending up in prison myself. In any case, learn absolutely as much as you can. Read about the experiences of others. Know anatomy. Find classes if you can. I honed my skill on someone who could handle the pain of mistakes, and I'm not recommending you do it that way.
Learn what kind of dominant you are. There are several types. You don't have to be into pain to be a dominant. You can be into nurturing and taking over the decision-making of your sub. You can be into seduction. You can be into rough sex. You could be into bondage and discipline. You could be into the Master/slave relationship. There are all kinds of ways to play, and you can explore different ways...but getting an idea by reading about the experiences of others--of real people, not fictional characters--will give you an idea of what direction to take at the start. I have known what I wanted to be from a very early age, but I don't expect everyone else to be that certain so young. I've always been a sadist. I have not always been a Master. I had no choice but to be in control, because I can't have people in authority over me (believe me, if I had a boss looking over my shoulder, I would have to seek different employment--my aversion to authority is that strong).
Finally, don't be arrogant. Don't assume that just because you want to be dominant, you deserve submission from someone. Submission is something that you earn, that someone gives you willingly because you are worthy of it, not something you can simply take.
Dominance is something that is a part of you. You can learn skills, safety, kinks, and everything there is to know about the lifestyle, but you have to have the personality traits to be a dominant. Someone can mentor you, but it must be in you for mentoring to make a difference.  You might not be dominant right away, but with hard work and desire, you can gain the skill and gain confidence in the role.  

BDSM Play 8: Rough sex with anal, knife play, rough oral, spreader bar, slave's choice

Saturday

    On Saturday, my slave came over.  I had a couple of surprises for her.  The first was a toy she knew was coming, but she wasn't sure when--it was a paddle with the word, "SLUT" on it.  It was supposed to imprint the word on her flesh, but it failed at that...but it did not fail to string, so it wasn't a total loss.  It reddened her ass quite nicely.  After her ass was nice and red, I wrestled her onto her back and entered her pussy, fucked her for a bit, then grabbed her roughly and forced her face-down, flat on the bed.  I put a tiny bit a lube on her, then entered her ass.  I put my arms under hers, forced them up and behind her back, and fucked her hard.

     I grabbed her by the hair as I kept thrusting, then, releasing one arm, I put my hand over her mouth and nose, cutting off her breath.  I fucked her harder as she struggled to breathe.  When she tapped out, I took my hand away, let her catch her breath, then I released her other arm and put both hands around her throat, choking her.  She struggled as I fucked her harder again, enjoying the feel of her round little ass under me, shoving myself deep into her, feeling my balls brush her thighs and get coated with the wetness from her pussy.

     I finally came inside of her, but I didn't stop.  I kept thrusting, and I stayed hard.  I continued to fuck her little ass as I cut off her breath every so often, yanked her head back by her hair, called her by my pet names for her...my sexy little slut, dirty little whore, my little sex toy, my painslut, my sexy slave, my piece of fuck meat.  When I was satisfied, I rolled off and to the side of her, looked into her eyes, stroked her hair, her face, her back, letting her know that she is my precious treasure--my most valuable possession.

    Later, in the evening, I brought out my second surprise: a survival knife I'd purchased for our play.  She's not into blood, but the idea of having a knife held to her throat or caressing her flesh is hot to her, and to me as well.  I showed her the knife, holding it in front of her face, bringing it to her lips.

"Kiss it," I said.  She did.  "Lick it," I whispered.  She licked the cold steel, and I wiped the saliva onto her cheek, then caressed her with the blade, running it down her face, onto her neck, holding to her throat, then caressing her flesh down to her tits, down her belly, to her pussy.  I rubbed her clit with the handle, then I began caressing her flesh again.

"Put your hands behind your head," I commanded.  She complied, but when I put my hand over her mouth and nose, cutting off her breath, she moved them.  I pulled on a nipple, put the blade to it, and said, "Keep your hands behind your head, or I'll cut off a nipple.  Do you want your nipple cut off?"  Her blue eyes grew wide, and she shook her head, "No."

She loves the threats.  Even though she trusts me and knows I'd never follow through on any of them, it turns her on to know where my mind goes.  It turns her on to know that it's a place I would go if I could, that it isn't something that would phase me if I did it.  I keep my play safe, sane, and consensual, but my mind wanders in the darkness.  Always.

She put her hands back behind her head, and I put the knife to her throat again.  I spread her legs with my own, and I entered her soaking wet pussy.  She was so clearly turned on by the presence of the blade...and add to it the heavy memory foam pillow that I put over her face to cut off her breath, and she was soaked.  I fucked her hard, holding the blade a couple inches away from her throat (holding it on her throat may have actually cut her, from the movement).  Every so often, I would stop thrusting, and I would press the tip into the flesh of her throat, talking to her, threatening her, making her comply with requests.  It was all very hot to both of us.


Sunday

On Sunday, we watched Cosmos together.  After one of the episodes was over, I had her start licking my shaft and my balls, just to put her in her place.  I spanked her and fingered her, stroked and pinched her clit and labia, entered her with my fingers and found her g-spot, and stroked her clit some more.  I put my foot on her head, shoving it against my thigh.  With her face smashed against my flesh, she couldn't breathe.  I held her there until she tapped out, then I put my lower leg behind her neck and smashed her face against my cock.

"I want it inside your mouth, little slut," I said, and, ever obedient, she complied.  I let her go at it at first, sucking as she willed, but then, I wrapped my legs around her head and used the leverage to fuck her mouth.  It made it difficult for her to breathe, which always produces delicious moans and little cries of desperation.  I fucked her mouth roughly, knowing that she hadn't eaten much that day, which meant her gag reflex was relaxed.  She rarely gags on an empty stomach--which means I can shove my cock into her throat and cut off her breath.  I love cutting her breath off with my cock every so often, shoving her all the way down, feeling her struggle against my leg.  I release her and force her to bob up and down on it with the strength of my legs and the thrust of my hips.

This time, I wanted so badly to cum down her throat.  I don't usually cum quickly--and it certainly wasn't a matter of a few minutes or anything--but is also wasn't the usual hour or so.  I thrust with urgency, and I felt myself building to orgasm.  I kept repeating, "I'm going to cum down your throat, whore!" over and over as the orgasm reached the peak of its crescendo, and I exploded into her throat, making her drink every bit of my ejaculate.  I released her head.  She caught her breath, and crawled in a sexy way across the bed, laying down next to me.  I held her for a bit, then we got up to eat.

After we came back from dinner, I used bondage tape over her mouth and her eyes, the spreader bar, bondage mittens, and a length of black rope.  I made her cum several times, then I removed the bondage tape from her face, and I edged her while she was bound. Then I allowed her to cum, and I made her cum a few more times before I entered her.  I fucked her hard, pulled the knife out and held it to her throat, and continued to thrust.  We fucked for a long time, to the point of exhaustion.  We usually shower after getting so sweaty, but we just couldn't move.

We rested a bit, watched another episode of the science show, and then I bound her legs together, with her hands each tied to her legs at the knees.  I fucked her hard in her sore pussy that way, and came inside of her.

We laid next to each other, my arms wrapped around her, then she shifted onto her back (she can't fall asleep on her side), and my arm was across her shoulder and chest, with my hand on her left breast.  She caressed my left arm, which relaxed her into sleep.  In her sleep, she grabbed my arm with both of her hands and held it tight.  It was touching.  She loves her Master, and I, her.


Monday

We slept in Monday, not showering until around 1:30.  We started playing a little later in the afternoon.  It started with taking a picture of our growing number of toys.  The riding crop and the paddle did not make it into the picture, but everything else did, and the inventory covered over half the bed, where it only covered a quarter the last time I took a picture.  After I took the picture, I sat in my chair, and she sat on the bed.

"Pick five items, little slave, and I will use all of them on you," I commanded.

"I don't know where to begin, Master."

"Process of elimination.  Choose the ones you don't want used on you right now, and we'll put those away.  You can choose from what's left."

She handed me item after item, and I put them in the huge sports bag I use for our equipment.  When her selection was done, all that remained were the cat o' nine tails (well, eight, since we lost one), one of the studded belts, the cane, the bondage mittens, and the shrink wrap.  She clearly wanted her ass beat and her sore pussy fucked.  I did abuse her pussy the previous two nights, but I am unclear when.  Sometimes it all blends together.  I remember fucking her with four fingers when she was licking my cock and my balls before the rough blow job, and I know that leaves her sore inside, but I also abused the outside...and would again this session.  I know I caned her pussy at one point...it was so red.

She stripped, then crawled up onto the bed, naked, ass exposed.  I let her choose the first implement.  She chose the cane.

"Twenty strokes, and I want you to count."

"Yes, Master."

I gave her ten strokes to each ass cheek.  She counted each one, thanking me after the strokes landed.  After I got to twenty, I picked up the cat o' nine tails and started again.  She counted again, showing her gratitude after each stroke.  I picked up the third implement, the studded belt, and again went to twenty.

I told her she could choose to have one of the implements used on her again, or she could choose my hand.  She chose my bare hand.  I spanked her hard, following through on each stroke so she would feel the sting with intensity.  We got to twenty, and I told her that her pussy was next.

"I won't make it to twenty, Master."

"'I won't make it' is not a safe word.  You can say, 'Master, I'm weak,' or you can try it, and say your safe phrase when it's too much for you."  My words seemed to steel her resolve, and she laid back, spread her legs, and got ready for the strokes of my hand on her bare, vulnerable, wet pussy.

And she got through all twenty strokes.

It was time to bind and enter her.  I used the studded belt to bind her thighs together, the put the bondage mittens on her hands.  After I locked them in place, I used parachute cord to bind them together and bind them again to her legs.  Then, I wrapped the shrink wrap around her head, leaving only her mouth exposed.  I said, "Are you ready?"

"I don't know," she replied.

"Are you scared?"

"Yes."

Shrink wrap always scares her, but it's exhilarating at the same time.  It always gets her soaked when she begins to panic.  I wrapped over her mouth, then began to finger her roughly.  Her pussy was so sore...she moaned and gave muffled cries as the pain and panic washed over her.  I knew I'd be able to enter her easily and without lube--sometimes, when her pussy is swollen, she's wet on the inside but the moisture doesn't quite make it to the surface.  When she gets really soaked, as she does from breath play, wrestling/forced sex, and biting (oh, I bit her many times this weekend, but it's another thing that gets blended into the play regularly), it is all over, and no lube is needed to enter her at all.  I prefer to go in that way; it hurts more.  She loves it when it hurts more, and her reactions turn me on, turn me savage, turn on something primal in me.

So I cut off her breath a few more times, and I entered her sore pussy.  It hurt more than usual, judging by her reactions (and later, her words), and I enjoyed hearing her get close to sobbing with her cries and moans.  It is rare to see my slave cry; she's more likely to do it when she's overcome with emotion from something tender I've written than from pain, but when she gets close, it feeds the sadist in me--no, it feeds what I am, not what's in me.  I fuck harder, I speak in tones that are nearly growls, and I treat her like the little slave whore she wants to be.  She is at the mercy of the beast I am...and as scary a monster as I might be to some, I do not scare her.  Oh, the pillow over her face or the shrink wrap over her mouth when her nose is already covered do make her panic much more quickly than usual, but she trusts me, and feels safe when the darkest parts of my mind manifest themselves in our play.

I cut off her breath several times, fucking her hard every time, and she soaked me.  The bed was wet, wetness coated me, wetness ran down under her ass.  I came inside of her, as I did the night before, laid down next to her, took the shrink wrap off of her face, untied the bondage mittens, loosened the belt that bound her legs, and enjoyed laying next to her and talking, holding her, for the next hour.  She had to leave that evening.  I didn't want her to go, and she didn't want to go, either.

June can't come fast enough.  Living with her, making this 24/7, will make us both even happier than we've been.  There's elation, then there's longing.  I'm looking forward to sustaining the elation and cutting out the longing with her.



 

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

BDSM Play 7: Rope, bondage mittens, and cane

I received the package from Stockroom.com today, which contained a cane, a set of butt plugs, four lengths of nylon rope with a coating that made it feel silky, and bondage mittens.
I'd really been looking forward to the bondage mittens, because my slave is great at getting herself free from rope. Most of this ability involves her flexibility, which enables her to reach places with her hands most people can't. In addition to her ability to escape, having use of her hands makes it tougher to keep a pillow over her face or my hand over her mouth and nose. I can do it--I'm far stronger, but it's safer when she can't resist these things. There's less of a chance of bloody nose or a hurt jaw (we've managed to avoid both).
I used the cane first. She assumed the position, standing, bent over slightly, and I began to hit her with the cane. After several strokes, I had her kneel by the bed. I slid each bondage mitten on, tying them tight and using the attached belts to secure them to her wrists. I then used one length of the new rope to bind her wrists together. I left a loop, grabbed it, led her up onto the bed, grabbed the cane, and landed several more strokes. Her reactions to the pain were exquisite; my erection grew, and I wanted to be inside the sore pussy I'd abused the night before...but I wanted fresh pain there.
I tied her ankles together with another length of the rope, then tied her wrists to her ankles. I held her legs up, exposing her pussy and her ass, and I grabbed a studded belt from the toy bag. I whipped her mercilessly with it, making her already-tender pussy sting, making her already-red ass even more red. I slid a butt plug into her after applying a small amount of lube, then I entered her swollen, abused pussy. It was incredibly wet; the bondage mittens added to her helplessness, and helplessness turns her on.
Then I got the work call. Unfortunately, it was more involved than passing information, so I had to leave her on the bed. I mouthed, "Stay!" She gave a look that said, "Master, where am I going to go?" I rolled her onto her side and pulled the blanket over her, leaving her there until I could use her again.
I returned after my call, pulled her to the edge of the bed, and entered her. She was soaked. The thought of being my sex toy, to be used, set aside, then used again at my whim, turned her on like few things could. Only forced sex and breath play surpass the idea for her. I put my hand over her mouth and nose, cutting off her breath. The leather over her hands rendered them useless; she was at my mercy when it came to regaining her breath. I took my hand away after she panicked, fucked her hard for awhile, then, as I was approaching orgasm, I grabbed the pillow and held it over her face. I came with intensity. The thought of how helpless she was and how much her pussy hurt as I thrust my cock into it over and over brought me to a very high level of ecstasy.

Saturday, April 5, 2014

On Sadism

I identify as a sadist.  Before I get into what I mean by that term, I would like to throw out the definitions and misconceptions that exist, then define myself.  

The dictionary defines "sadist" as:

sa·dist

 [sey-dist, sad-ist]  Show IPA
noun
1.
Psychiatry. a person who has the condition of sadismin which one receives sexual gratification from causing pain and degradation to another.
2.
a person who enjoys being cruel.

The psychiatric definition above gets close to my own understanding of the term, but it falls short, because it's not just the causing of pain and/or degradation to another that gives me sexual gratification.  This definition discards the need for reactions.  The reactions from pain, from intense pleasure, and from tickling all provide sexual gratification, not just the infliction of pain or the degradation of another human being.

In terms of the BDSM lifestyle, the second definition should not apply to a healthy relationship.  Certainly, sadists who simply enjoy being cruel exist, and seek partners from the BDSM community.  However, they often do not seek consent, and as such, enter into abusive relationships where the pleasure only goes one direction.

One misconception that exists regarding sadism manifests itself in descriptions of serial killers.  The cruelty of some of their rituals should not be considered sadism, because they get no sexual gratification from their acts.  Some might, but in most cases, the serial killers described aren't killing because they are getting off sexually; they are filling another perceived need, and it shouldn't be mixed in with the sadism that exists in the BDSM community.

I've been a sadist as long as I can remember, sexually speaking.  My first erection came from watching a movie where a woman was tied up and struggling as she was about to be burned at the stake.  My sexual gratification ended when they started to burn her, because it was the struggling, not the act of killing, that turned me on.  I sought those reactions as soon as I became sexually active, but I didn't really get what I needed until I was 23.  That's when I finally had my first experience with a masochist.  She really didn't have limits (which is a red flag in the BDSM community--it violates the safe, sane, and consensual rule), so I did things to her that would turn the stomachs of most dominants in the community.  I had her in tears every session.

As I involved myself with the community, I learned more about safety, and I refined my skills.  I sought a healthy relationship, rather than one where I could end up going too far and end it with a trip to the ER or the morgue.  I learned that I could find the reactions I sought without inflicting excruciating pain, with women who didn't need to be permanently scarred or injured to give me the reactions I wanted.  My mind goes to dark places, but some of those places are best left in fantasy.

To me, the ideal relationship for a sadist is with a masochist who has great reactions.  Both partners get the gratification they need, and the relationship is not abusive.  Aftercare helps both partners stay grounded in reality, and it builds trust, as well as a feeling of safety.  It strengthens the bond, and, if the partners love each other, builds their chemistry as well.  Also, quite importantly, it keeps them from bringing fantasies into play that could prove too dangerous.

Some of us revel in darkness, but there two kinds: the first is the kind where dark things creep, scary monsters live, and nobody can hear you scream.  The second is the one that embraces you, that makes your sleep come easier and go deeper, that allows you to hide the secrets of your sexual desire from the rest of the world, and keep them intimate.  I have been in both.  I've been the scary monster in the first kind of darkness.  I prefer the second.  It's healthier.  It's less lonely.  It's more fun with a partner who can share in your revelry.



The posts so far

Every post on this blog so far is from a group I run with my slave on Facebook.

As I think of new topics or have experiences about which I want to write, I will post them here.

Please enjoy the blog, and feel free to look me up on Fetlife, where my handle is TrulySadistic.

Correcting advice from a professional dominatrix

My slave shared an article with me because it seemed like it would be a humor gold mine, and to some degree it is, but to a much larger degree, it is irresponsible advice.
First of all, never take advice from a professional dominatrix. Some may disagree with me, but let me qualify it by saying never take advice from a professional dominatrix in the United States. They are hookers. They are not into the lifestyle and are playing a role. They are paid to do what their submissives ask of them.
Now this dominatrix, Mistress Darcy, claims to teach classes. If she is teaching classes with the advice in this article, then she needs to be stopped, or at least have her information countered loudly and often.
Anyway, anyone who thinks 50 Shades of Grey is any sort of guide to the lifestyle knows nothing about it and needs to get responses from people who are actually living it.
One more point about hookers posing as dominatrices: it is fucking easy to make a living off of desperate, submissive men. When I was actively looking for encounters as a Sadist dominant, I was propositioned DAILY. This statement is not to say that all male subs are easy to dominate, but it is easy to make money if you are a dominant for men. If only I were bi...
I'm going to go through this article point by point.
1. Mistress Darcy's advice: "First of all, it's important to understand the role you will play in a real life Fifty Shades fantasy. Are you interested in exploring your dominant or submissive side? Or both, which, in that case, is called a 'switch'?"
Master Greg's advice: If you don't know anything about the lifestyle yet, there are plenty of resources online for people actually living the lifestyle, where people who are new to it can lurk to find information, then interact by asking questions. There are safety resources. Books you can get on Amazon and elsewhere. There are Facebook groups. Don't just "decide". Look at kinks and see what interests you. Fetish sites are great for learning your kinks, because they have you pick the kinks you're interested in, and you may have to look some of them up. You'll learn quickly.
2. Mistress Darcy's advice: "Start by reading more about bondage domination/domination submission or by watching kinky movies. 'Talk with your partner about the things that interest you,' advises Mistress Darcy. 'Or read it together, maybe do a book club thing. Go off and read it on your own. Come back and talk about what interested each of you and together agree, 'Oh we both liked the part where the girl got her hands tied behind her back.'"
Master Greg's advice: By all means, read, but stay clear of fictional material when you are getting into the lifestyle. Stay way from movies, too. They are fantasy, not fact. These are professional actors, not people living the lifestyle. Some things they do might not be safe, or they can be safe under controlled conditions, but only with experience and knowledge you don't have as a beginner. Read non-fiction books or talk to people in the lifestyle. There are groups probably local to you that meet and demonstrate various forms of play. They are your best and most responsible source of information, for the most part.
You should be talking to your partner about your kinks and negotiating rules, safe words, and, well, everything before you begin playing. BE HONEST, most of all. Don't say you're into something if you're simply interested and haven't done it yet.
3. Mistress Darcy's advice: "Invest in some toys. Since bondage equipment can be quite pricey, start by buying an inexpensive, $5 pair of handcuffs or a silk sash. 'Try it the next night,' she says. 'If it really worked for you, use the handcuffs until they break and then you buy a more expensive pair.'"
Master Greg's advice: By all means, invest in toys--AFTER you learn about the lifestyle and know what you're getting into.
4. Mistress Darcy's advice: Not everyone is up for the direct approach. 'So if you are a little bit on the shy or ashamed side when it comes to sex stuff, don’t talk about it at all,' she advises. 'Just simply bring it into the bedroom the next time you start to have sex. Without speaking about it, just slip the little bonds over your wrists and carry on.'
It's a great way to introduce it in the heat of the moment. And what's he gonna say? Stop! Turn on the lights! Unlikely. 'Talk about it afterwards,' she says. 'He may say, 'You know, that kinda really didn't work for me. I wish I was the one that had my hands tied!’ Or ‘I really loved it. Let’s do it again.’ Or you don’t talk about it and you just keep doing it again and again, bringing in more and more gear every time you have sex.'"
Master Greg's advice: NO, NO, FUCKING NO! No. Don't sneak BDSM into the bedroom. At all. First of all, I have been in this lifestyle for 18 years. I have talked to literally hundreds of people (not that I had encounters with them all). I can't tell you how many have told me that they have presented the idea or actual toys to their partners, and their partners called them "weird", "freak", or "whore" (not in the good sense), and sometimes broke up with them. You can't spring this on people. Not everyone is into it. In fact, not many are into much beyond light bondage and light spanking.
5. Mistress Darcy's advice: You can also just lay a bunch of bondage accessories on the bed for your partner to see when he comes in. 'When he asks what it's about and what it’s for, I don’t think you need to say anything. Just say it is what it is and ask him what he thinks about it,' she instructs.
Master Greg's advice: This is monstrously dumb advice, especially in light of the fact that she just advised you not to spend much on equipment off the bat. And again, never spring kink on the unwary or uninitiated.
If you want to "spring" kink on a partner, here is what you do: go to a fetish site like Fetlife or Alt.com (I would not advise staying at alt.com, but their kink survey is much better organized and pretty thorough), and go through the stuff there with your partner. You could even present it as "something funny you found on the internet," and you can say things like, "Oooh, that would be interesting," or "Oh, that actually makes me hot," and then you can find out whether your partner is into it.
6. Mistress Darcy's advice: "Many people do not understand corporal punishment," explains Mistress Darcy. "It's the standard term for being hit on your butt whether it's with your hand, a flogger, or a cane. But people who have not experienced it themselves don’t understand what it does for somebody else. There are several aspects that make it erotic. One is the idea of being overpowered and punished. Some people really get off on the discipline."
But there is a right way and a wrong way to spank, she warns. If you just start hitting someone at full force, it's more likely to terrify than titillate. "I teach couples the proper warmup and get them to a point where the chemicals in their brain take the experience from painful to pleasurable," she says. "And then, I am telling you, it is possible to reach a state of euphoria from simply being spanked that you've never felt before on your first time if you know what you are doing."
a. A proper warmup is essential, especially for someone who doesn't have a lot of experience with corporal punishment.
b. You want to get blood to the surface of the skin because the more red your skin is, the more blood that is flowing, the less it is going to hurt, and the more pain you are going to be able to take. You can rub it, pat it, do light taps, or squeeze. You can alternate between light and harder touches gradually building up the intensity.
Master Greg's advice: I will not disagree with this advice, but I will add that breathing is really important. Making sure that you have plenty of oxygen in your system; it will help your natural painkillers work.
I honestly have problems with her teaching a class, because almost all of her advice is irresponsible, and this one bit of advice is common sense (a broken clock is right twice a day). I do have my doubts that first-timers will find euphoria, but whatever. She can be an optimist if she wants.
7. Mistress Darcy's advice: A lot of moms have almost forgotten about their sexual identity after they have kids. "If you are saying to yourself that you are too stressed out and how are you supposed to make time for sex, well, hello, sex eases stress," says Mistress Darcy. "So you are doing yourself and your career a favor by just relaxing a couple hours a week at minimum. You can even do a 20-minute quickie spanking before breakfast."
**Just never leave your tools around for the kids to see. Some of them are weapons, after all.
Master Greg's advice: I can't disagree with this. I still think hookers shouldn't be considered professional dominatrices. Is that a cheap shot? Yeah, but she deserves it.
8. Mistress Darcy's advice: Mistress Darcy recommends a collar and a leash, rope for bondage, a blindfold, wrist cuffs, panties for him or her, vibrator, dildo, ball gag, clothespins, or pegs, flogger, paddle, and chastity belt for the submissive male.
Master Greg's advice: This is a BDSM "starter kit" this hooker recommends. I say that you should learn about fetishes and tailor all of your equipment to your fetishes. Get the ones you know you're interested in using first, then introduce new toys as you go along. This advice, once again, contradicts her earlier advice on buying a cheap pair of cuffs or a silk sash.
Don't waste your money before you discuss hard limits and kinks. Seriously. What the fuck. I facepalmed so much.
9. Mistress Darcy's advice: It's not always about tools and toys. On a basic level, domination/submission (or Ds) is a power exchange. "You can get inside their head, making someone feel erotically inferior to you," she says. The best part is, it's not limited to the bedroom.
She suggests coming up with sexy exchanges you can even do at the breakfast table that no one else will notice. "Ds is a lot about codes and a language you develop with your partner," says Mistress Darcy. "You could have it worked out that a certain look means something to you."
For instance, if your husband looks at you a certain way and then looks at something on the floor, that means pick it up and bend down in front of him so he can get a glimpse of your rear. "That kind of interaction can be completely erotic," she says. "If he taps his coffee mug when it is empty, that means get me some coffee you saucy little minx. Or exchange text messages at work with a key phrase like, 'I am coming home in three hours and I want you to be ready for me.' Super easy and super fun."
Master Greg's advice: Here's a phrase that shouldn't be used: "erotically inferior." I'll accept "erotically submissive", but never "erotically inferior". You might be a sub, but that doesn't mean you're less important to the sexual relationship. That's just a bullshit phrase.
Maybe I'm arguing semantics here, but it's an important point. Submission is a choice. You choose to give your will and your body to someone else for purposes of sex, domestic servitude, or whatever reason you have, and that person chooses to put effort, creativity, time, and skill into making your experience erotic--but your contribution doesn't end there, if you're more than a doormat. You use your skill to be alluring, to entice your partner into doing things with you. You dress in a sexy way. You might surprise your partner with toys that interest him or her. You are not inferior, even if you are subordinate.
I do agree that a D/s relationship involves psychological play, and it can be completely about submitting your will to another, and not about torment. But her example is so fucking cheesy. Ugh. It isn't a fetish site, though. Probably had to make it PG, even though they're talking about sex, damn it.
Master Greg's final word: Never use Twilight fan fiction that has as its main character a psychopath with mommy issues as your guide into the BDSM lifestyle. Any real dominant worth a shit isn't going to steer you into the lifestyle based on your love of fiction.

BDSM Play 6: Wrestling and bondage

On Saturday, for most of the day, I wrestled with my slave on the bed, seeing what kind of fight she could put up when I was trying to remove her clothes. I managed to pull off her jeans fairly easily, then got her into a position to fuck her. She does fight well for her size, but she really is no match for me. I held her helpless in various positions. I pinned her wrists to the bed with one hand, held her arms up behind her back, used her neck to control her, used her hair...it was wearing her out and turning her on at the same time.
Later in the evening, I laid with her in the bed, having her stroke my cock as I decided what I wanted to do with her. I had her get up on her knees and lay her body over my abdomen, then spanked her ass hard as she continued to stroke my cock. I then inserted fingers into her wet pussy and fucked it, taking care to put pressure on her g-spot with each stroke. She asked my permission to come, and I told her, "Cum for me, my dirty fucking whore." She came, and I shoved my fingers in to rub her g-spot while she was extra-sensitive.
I love the reactions I get from stimulating the g-spot or the clit while my little slut is sensitive, and she does not disappoint at all. She moans and writhes and says "Thank you, Master," in her sexy voice...it's so much more sexy when she's cumming (or when she's sleepy).
I told her to lay over me, straddling my face, because I wanted to give her clit oral attention. I sucked it into my mouth, pushing it back and forth between my teeth, scraping it. My sexy little pet loves her clit treated roughly. I bit. I nibbled. I draped her clit over my bottom teeth and pressed it against them, moving my tongue back and forth over it while maintaining the pressure. She asked to cum, and I granted permission, and the expression of gratitude came when she could find the words. I kept at it, orgasm after orgasm, and she squirted. It takes a bit for my little slave to squirt, and it's usually after edging her, but she has intense orgasms from oral, and I'm not going to lie, I'm fucking good at it. I always have been, and I've only improved from my first. I did not stop until she finally said, "Master, I'm weak." Her safe phrase. Too sensitive to take more. I told her, "Get down there and suck my cock, little slut."
Obedient as ever, my little cumslut slid off of me, crawled to position between my legs, and went down on my cock, offering me her arms when she had it in her mouth. I grabbed her just above her elbows and pulled her so her mouth went all the way down, and I held her there for a bit, listening to her struggle to breathe, then I let her up so she could breathe around it, and I pulled her back down hard, over and over, listening to her gasp and moan as she struggled for air. When I was ready, I came down her throat and held her there while I did. I let go of her so she could clean the cum off my cock completely with her mouth at her leisure. Good little slave.
Next, I tied her up, legs together, arms behind her back, using a double-column tie on the legs and a rope cuff tie on her wrists. I shoved a pillow under her to raise her ass in the air, making it and her pussy vulnerable. It was a pretty sight. I love that little ass of hers...but it was too pale. It needed some red. I spanked her ass hard, getting a "Master, that stings," from my little slave.
"Are you complaining, little whore?"
"No, Master."
"Informing?"
"Yes, master."
"Good girl."
I kept spanking her, relishing her gasps and moans of pain and pleasure...because as much as it stings, she loves it. She wants it. She asked for it harder once, but I have known better since that first night than to giver her the love-taps most women use their safe word to stop. I reddened her ass with my hand, then I fucked her pussy again with my fingers and made her cum again.
I pulled out the cat o' nine tails and whipped her ass hard with it, making her count to ten on the hardest strokes. She didn't falter, and she held out a long time while I was whipping her, but in the end, she uttered her safe phrase: "Master, I'm weak." I think she knows by now that this does not displease or disappoint me; I know she's held out as long as she could and I've done the job. I've gotten her there, to her breaking point.
I pulled out a candle and lit it. Dripped hot wax on her back, lower on her back, lower, then on her ass, on her vulnerable and exposed asshole, then on her pussy...on her thighs...then came her safe word. I wiped the wax off and brought out the toothbrush with the rotating head, applied lubricant to the bristles, then rubbed her already-sensitive clit with it. She moaned loudly with pain and pleasure as I held it to her clit, moving it up and down and in circular motions. She asked to cum and I granted her permission.
It was time to fuck her little ass. We'd been talking about anal all day. I asked her, "Are you ready to be my little anal whore tonight?" "Yes, Master," came the reply, every time. All day. She'd had her enema, preparing for it. And now I was ready. I flipped her over on her back, pushed her bound legs against her body, rubbed lube on her asshole, and shoved my cock inside. I fucked her sweet little ass, enjoying the tightness of her little hole on my cock, savoring the look in her eyes and her gasps and moans. I shoved her head into the mattress as I thrust, then covered her mouth and nose with my hand, cutting off her breath. She struggled a bit at first, then more, then thrashed, then gave three successive, muffled cries to signify she could not take more. I released her, let her catch her breath, then fishhooked her mouth and pulled her by her cheek to the mattress. I held her there while I talked dirty to her, thrusting myself into her ass, enjoying her helplessness, as well as her clear enjoyment of getting her ass fucked. I came inside her ass, then rolled off of her. I untied her and let her go clean herself off, then I went in and showered.
Next came pussy abuse.
I spanked her pussy hard, then used my closed fist to rub her pussy, knuckle to her clit, till she asked to cum. I let her. I went back to spanking her pussy. I wanted her good and sore for when I entered her. I alternated between rubbing her clit roughly and smacking her tender pussy, and when I felt she was ready, I grabbed her by her hips and dragged her to the edge of the bed. I got up on it and shoved my cock inside her. "Master, it hurts," she moaned. "Good, it should hurt, little painslut." I fucked her, ever thrust bringing a moan of pain and pleasure...my little slut loves getting her sore pussy fucked hard. I of course cut off her breath over and over, making her struggle a bit against me. I also pushed her head down hard into the mattress now and again, and held it there when I was ready to cum. I came inside of her then rolled off and let her suck my cum and her juices off of my cock.
We held each other after that, flesh against flesh, each enjoying the warmth of the other. I rubbed her head, stroking the outside of her ear as she relaxed, preparing her for sleep. I love my little slave, and going to sleep next to her is a great end to the night.