For those who like to dominate:
Q: Do you enjoy dominating others in other aspects of your life?
A: In the BDSM lifestyle, nobody can speak for everyone else in any role, because some people live very different lives than they do in their relationships and sexual activities. However, my observation is that more dominants tend to be either dominant in their daily lives, or they are so reserved, you wouldn't be able to tell how they were in the bedroom. For me, it tends to happen naturally. People tend to look to others who have confidence and intelligence for direction. I do not want to rule people; I'd rather inspire, motivate, and persuade. There's no art to being a bully; being an inspiration, a role model, and a leader takes thought, effort, and skill.
Q: Do you dominate your partner outside of sexual role play?
A: I live a 24/7 Master/slave relationship, so yes. However, not everyone in the lifestyle does. Some people are only scene dominants or dominants in the bedroom only. I've been in a sexual relationship with a masochist who wasn't submissive, really, but the nature of our sexual play made her submission natural. Outside of that, she wasn't submissive at all, and we spoke and acted on equal terms. In my current relationship, however, she gave herself to me willingly, mind and body, with the rules and limits well-defined. She must show me respect at all times and defer to me at all times--and she wants it that way. It's fulfilling for her, and it's a great responsibility for me, as well as being fulfilling.
Q: Were you dominated or abused growing up?
A: I wasn't dominated, sexually speaking, and I only had one instance of sexual abuse. By some definitions, I was abused otherwise, because corporal punishment was the standard in my home for discipline. It's a gray area, because my parents (my dad, specifically) did not do it for enjoyment or out of cruelty; he did it for what he perceived were things we did wrong. I don't think anyone should hit children, and there are better forms of discipline for child-rearing. Not everyone in the lifestyle even received corporal punishment growing up, let alone abuse. I see abuse--clearly-defined abuse--as doing things to children out of pure cruelty (adults can be abused, too, of course). I think a lot of people who engage in corporal punishment in child-rearing just don't know a better way.
Q: Do you see society as a world where there are two basic kinds of people: those who are strong, and those who are weak?
A: People range all over the spectrum with their confidence levels, assertiveness, aggressiveness, modesty, humility, timidness, shyness, and any other characteristics people traditionally view as "weak" or "strong". I think "weak" and "strong" are not clearly defined terms, really; people see altruism and love as weak, after all, and I strongly disagree with that assessment. I think people show confidence and leadership in certain situations, and in others, they are reserved and modest. I think some people do great on their own, but try to hide when they are in groups.
In short, no, I don't think there are two types of people in the world. Not by a long shot.
For the submissives (answered with my slave):
Q: Are you submissive in other parts of your life?
A: Many submissives are not at all submissive outside of sex. My slave, for example, is only submissive to me. She was dominant at work, she was dominant in her marriage, and she is authoritative when it comes to her kids and mine.
Q: Are you submissive to your partner outside of sexual role play?
A: As a 24/7 slave, she is submissive in private, and respectful in front of family. Where she can't refer to me as "Master", she still defers to me and treats me with with respect...and she gave that up willingly. When we were talking about the lifestyle, she offered up the slave role for herself, and I accepted it.
Not all submissives are submissive to their partners outside of sexual role play. Some submissives are submissive all the time, to all dominants who are proven in the role. It's a matter of preference, though.
Q: Were you dominated or abused growing up?
A: No, my slave was not dominated or abused growing up, and you will find a mixture of people who have been abused and who have not been abused among those in the BDSM lifestyle, just as you will with people who are not into kink at all.
Q: Do you see society as a place where there are basically the weak or the strong?
A: First of all, my slave is not weak. Submission takes a lot of emotional strength, and her life outside of the lifestyle play requires her to be strong. She handles herself well. Submission should never be mistaken for weakness. Submission does not mean submission to everyone at all times.
No comments:
Post a Comment