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Saturday, May 10, 2014

Pain as control and controlling pain

As a sadist, I get pleasure out of inflicting pain, and I have always preferred to play with masochists, who gain pleasure from receiving it.  My slave is a masochist...but even masochists have their limits when it comes to pain.  Many people will say that pain is not a way to punish a masochistic slave, but when you know the soft limits and know how to push them, it can still be quite an effective means of control.

There are alternatives, and I should stress them for those who might have trouble distinguishing punishment from play, because let's face it: the pain reactions can be addictive, and a sadist could be tempted to make up reasons to punish a sub/slave, just as an excuse to do something out of the ordinary.  Let's be clear: making up reasons to punish a sub/slave is abuse.  When you punish, you're expressing your displeasure and/or disappointment in the actions of your partner.  If that person takes submission seriously, it's going to cause real emotional pain as feelings of remorse set in, whether they are justified or not.  That said, expressing displeasure and disappointment verbally can be punishment enough.  The submissive or slave lives to please you; the submissive mind finds fulfillment in pleasing the dominant.  Remorse and guilt can weigh heavily on a submissive.

Other alternatives include confinement, isolation, or taking away privileges.  Humiliation can be punishment for the submissive who is not into it as a kink.  There are a variety of options that do not involve pain.  For minor infractions, the submissive could be made to write an essay or do a task, such as cleaning the floor with a toothbrush.  For major infractions, ignoring a slave for a day will suffice.  You could make the slave sleep at your feet or on the floor, if you don't already.  Get creative, and tailor it to your own submissive/slave.

Getting back to pain, I use it in a number of ways.  Since my slave's nipples are incredibly sensitive, I tend to use them as the target when I have need to punish her (which is very, very rare).  I don't usually give her a high number of lashes, since knowing she did wrong truly makes her feel terrible.  The punishment is pretty much symbolic, because it's really the disappointment and displeasure that hurts her.  However, following through with the punishment is necessary, because it lets her know I mean business, and that I am truly displeased.

I don't just use pain for punishment, though; I use it to control my slave in play.  I know, for example, that I can control her by her hair, because she is hesitant to endure the pain of pulling away.  In one recent session, I never let go of her hair.  Not once.  I led her by it, made her change positions by turning her head the right way; it was intense and she loved it, but the key there was that pulling away was too much for her to bear.

During consensual non-consent play, I tend to twist and pinch her nipples to get her to submit to my will, knowing that they are weak spots.  It's cheating at the game, I know, but what kind of dominant would I be if I didn't stack the odds in my favor every time?  In any case, whenever I want her to repeat something or do something she doesn't want to say or do, respectively, I use her nipples as a means of control.

Now, there is another side to this coin: there are ways for the slave to control pain.  One of these methods is through breathing.  Anyone who has been through birthing classes knows that rapid breaths increase oxygen in the blood, and that increase helps endorphin production.  Using your own body's natural painkillers helps tremendously.

Another thing the receiver of painful attention can do to prevent things from getting too intense too quickly is relax completely.  Don't tense up; it will only hurt more.  Also, move as little as possible.  You can react to the blow, but don't flinch or fidget in anticipation of each blow.  An experienced dominant will wait for you to stay still, command you to do so, or rub the affected area until you are still again, but if you do your part, you are less likely to have a blow land accidentally on a much more sensitive--and possibly unsafe--spot.

Gripping something and/or biting down on something helps.  Taking your mind elsewhere can distract you from the pain, as well.

For us, pain is pleasure, but with the application of enough pain in the right way, it can still be used to control my masochist.


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