JT Stockroom

Saturday, April 26, 2014

Kinks and what they say about the people who have them

I'm going to reveal straight off that I intentionally made the title of this article misleading.  There are no judgments you can make about a person based on their kinks, really.  Even certain kinks that should fit a sadist, a masochist, a dominant, or a submissive can only be indicators of tolerance of those kinks, not that they fit the roles.  I've met dominant women (I have never flirted with dominant men, so I wouldn't know the other way) who only took on the role to live vicariously through the submissive men and/or women they dominate, simply because they couldn't find men to dominate them.  By no stretch of the imagination am I saying that there are no truly dominant women; I'm just saying that some people do things they might not enjoy completely to be part of a something they do enjoy--like BDSM, or simple human contact.

You can't know if that submissive with very few hard limits and a completely obsequious nature is a business executive or a janitor, by profession.  You can't know if that sadistic dominant is a laid back office professional.  There's really no behavior I can link to a kink, from my experience.  Admittedly, I haven't done a study on people to link other roles in life to kinks people have, but I'm not sure that line of questioning would lead anywhere, anyway.

What I can say comes from the other direction: you cannot know what sort of kinks someone enjoys until you find out for sure.  That nice girl next door might be into BDSM gangbangs.  That teacher might be into suspension bondage.  That high-powered executive might visit a dominatrix on a regular basis.  That successful professional or self-employed individual might be into pegging.  There's nothing you can know from the surface; you have to communicate with people to find out what kinks they enjoy.  Hell, that flirty, dirty woman in the bar might be into totally vanilla sex.  You never know until you ask and explore.

There's even some debate over what's considered kinky, for that matter.  Some people think anal sex is kinky, where my slave and I consider it part of the vanilla range.  Most people would agree that bondage is kinky, though light bondage and a little spanking seems like more "edgy" vanilla than pure kink to someone like me.  Domination and submission represent kink.  Sadism and masochism.  Sexual slavery.  Inserting objects.  Using certain devices.   There's a wide variety of kinks; it's one of those things where it's difficult to define, but people know it when they see it.

Kink should be distinguished here from fetishes.  Where kink represents something that is outside of vanilla sex, fetishes are things that people can't live without, sexually speaking, or need in order to be turned on...or things that just turn a people on to an unusual degree.  Can kinks be fetishes?  Certainly.  But not all fetishes are kinky, really.  I don't find anything kinky at all about looking at pretty feet, but some people have a fetish for looking at them.  I feel the same way about panties, blow jobs, and other fixations that aren't outside of the realm of vanilla.  I guess I might be confusing "vanilla" with "mild" or "harmless" here; that's possible, but a fixation on something isn't much of a basis for a lifestyle on its own...and I suppose that's important to my definition of kink. If you want to look at feet, it's not terribly kinky, but if you want to be trampled, forced to suck on toes or take a foot in an orifice, have a foot on your head as someone talks dirty to you, that's all kinky.  You can get creative with fixations, and that's where kink might be born--fixations combined with creativity.






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